ATOPIC ORGANICO, or Macrobiotic Allergen Syndrome (M.A.S.).
Allergists believe that this particular condition is caused by the sudden consumption of unrefined foods, after years of eating artificial foods. Less common in other parts of the world, studies have shown that this allergy is becoming a regular trait in Americans. There are an average of 12 new cases reported daily.
Symptoms: Those infected immediately gag or cringe at the sight or smell of any organically grown/made food. When actually consuming such foods, the sufferer may experience the following unfortunate effects: long-term weight loss, decreased cholesterol levels, and/or clear skin. Those who suffer from M.A.S. can be found in fast-food restaurants, snack bars, or lingering around vending machines, in order to prevent an outbreak. Allergists have discovered that prescribing patients to consume non-organic foods containing hydrogenated oils can actually relieve symptoms.
ALLERGIC COMPITO, often called the Repelling Homework Disorder.
Common in high school students, the unfortunate sufferer cannot go near a homework assignment without feeling nauseous or tired. Sufferers have been known to suddenly fall asleep after being exposed to an assignment that requires them to actually apply themselves.
Symptoms: Most patients who suffer from procrastination have been diagnosed with this allergy. Allergists test for this allergy by assigning a patient a slightly difficult assignment to complete for the following day. If the patient comes back complaining of exhaustion, or with an excuse as to why they did not do the homework, then there is a 99.9% chance that the patient suffers from the Repelling Homework Disorder. Many are unfamiliar with this allergy; surprisingly, it is related to the well-known My-Dog-Ate-My-Homework Syndrome.
ALLERGIC REALITATE.
Allergists are unsure how this strange allergy began, however, recent studies show that it has mutated over time into a much more complex allergy, which is freakishly contagious. Anyone who comes in contact with the infection will experience symptoms within a few days. The infected person shows an inability to watch any reality TV shows. The most lethal of cases happen when the sufferer watches the following: "Big Brother," "The Real World," "The Bachelor," and "Survivor." Generally, those infected catch a case of the Outcast Disease 352, due to their incapability to watch these shows.
Symptoms: The infected suffer from the dire need to watch such reality shows, but cannot. Patients who have watched these shows have experienced eyeball abscesses, brain damage, and "pins and needles" in their joints. A recent case involved a 29-year-old man who suffered from Allergic Realitate but ignored the symptoms. When watching his favorite reality TV show, "Flavor of Love," he found that his eyeballs were "glued" to the television, and he could not move from the couch. He recalls that his mother "had to flip the channel to CNN" before he could move again.
