Author's Note: This is entirely my opinion. This story does represent some of my religious views. I understand that this is a sensitive topic; please remain respectful of everyone's opinions, or I'll have to call a certain BBS-er and her flaming shovels. Thanks.
From the moment I came together, the moment I had my very first spark of intuition, I loved you, Mommy.
Mommy, I felt it when you first found out. I felt it when you put your had to your stomach, right above where I was, and cried. I heard it when you yelled at someone . . . Was he my daddy, Mommy? Why were you so mad at him?
The night after you first found out, Mommy, you stayed awake all night. You called your mommy and told her. She didn't yell at you, but you cried afterward. I was tiny, tiny, tiny, but I knew I was the reason you were sad. I felt so bad, Mommy, I really did.
Grandma came up, all the way from Florida, I heard someone say. What's Florida, Mommy? How far away is it? Did she come to see me?
Grandma sounded nice. I liked her right away. I wanted to meet her so bad right then, Mommy, but I wasn't ready yet, so I just listened.
You talked for hours, Mommy, and, let me tell you, you have the prettiest voice ever. It's so sweet and warm. I just listened every time you talked.
Mommy, I heard it when Grandma told you to get an abortion.
I didn't know what it was, but you were afraid and I was too. I was still small, small, small, just the size of a finger, maybe less.
Mommy, you stayed awake that night again. You cried some more, and talked on the phone a lot. I felt it when you rubbed your belly, and I was warm and safe.
A week passed, or, at least, I think it was a week, Mommy. You put on a coat and left the house.
You sat down and I felt us moving, and Grandma was talking again, but, oh, I didn't like her now. She kept saying that word, that word that made you cry.
We were moving. I felt you stand up when we stopped, and I felt you walk somewhere.
Mommy, on that car ride, I thought about a lot.
Did you know, Mommy, that God handpicked you to help me become? That he knew who I was even before I knew, and way before you knew. He even knew me before you were born, Mommy! That's pretty cool, right? God knew before I came into existence!
I was still tiny, tiny, tiny when they killed me, Mommy. Your tiny, tiny, tiny baby and the last thing I ever heard was you crying, crying, crying.
The next thing I knew, and you'll never believe this, Mommy, but I was with Jesus! He was tall, and bright, and warm, Mommy, he was so warm as he held me in his arms! I never met him before, but he knew who I was too. And we talked and talked and talked, Mommy, about everything. Everything!
He told me what abortion was, and why you did it, Mommy, why you were so disrespectful of what God had chosen you for. He told me that God loved me, even if you didn't, but I know you did, Mommy, and I told him so. I told him that you cried and cried and cried when they killed me, and that you cried and told Grandma "No!" for a long time, but you finally decided that I wasn't worth it. But you still loved me, I know, I know, I know it, I said.
He was quiet for a little bit and I told him I forgave you for killing me and that I love you Mommy. I asked him to let you know that I understood, and that I would have liked very much to see your face as it got old and wrinkly and joke with you about it, but I understood. He said he would.
Mommy, I do forgive you. I hope you can forgive yourself too. I know that I wasn't a mistake, though, like Grandma said I was. God chose me to live, and he chose you to bring me to life.
But it's okay Mommy, just stop crying.
Because I still love you, Mommy, and that will never change.
Editor's Note: Abortion is perhaps one of the most controversial topics to discuss. Everyone has their opinions, and a lot of those are based on religion, which makes the topic personal. Please remember to remain respectful of each other, and mindful that we all have a right to what we believe.
