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Walking through a crowded room, drink in hand. Brain pounding, palms sweating, eyes squinting. Screening the room for the "perfect" person to meet. Eyes meet several others, yet their foreheads spell out too fat, too skinny, too plain, too pretty. A sensual brush on your shoulder snaps your head around. A hand reaches out . . .
"Hello, my name is Ashley."
First and foremost, my name is a cover-up for my individuality. I don't belong to any specific nationality or watered-down heritage, because in depth we are all the same. Her mom is black, he's red, she's yellow, and I honestly don't care what I am. Why would I dwell and hide behind my colored coating? Some may say it's me and my life but it's really just a mask. My pigment is only a distorted beam of sunlight. It changes with the heat of the sun and the cold of the winter. All of us are never the exact same color from season to season, so why judge me by my skin? I have moles, spots, and bruises, so please learn from my imperfections.
As far as being perfect, I do not believe or find any reason to believe in an all-seeing, all-knowing human being. I mean this comment in flesh form and in a god-like form. I was raised to believe in such theories, but I want to truly understand myself and others. Who is to say what is right or wrong in religion? I take in all theories and make them my own. It allows me to think and practically jump outside of the box.
Your box may be in a different corner than mine, but I would like to move closer. Everyone was raised in context with their families' ideologies. Your ideas of what is right, wrong, beautiful, or ugly may be completely different than mine. However, I am okay with that and will hug you even tighter knowing that you are different and that I may learn something from you and your experiences. I also realize that I cannot begin to blame anyone for not having the same views as I. Our glasses are different magnifications, what is blurry to you may be clear to me.
What my glasses tell me is that life is beautiful. I love my life, even when I am surrounded by death and illness. I am still grateful that I am able to experience all that there is out there. It's amazing how complex yet simple everything has come to be over the course of time, and I really don't want to let that pass me by. I want to take it all in with open arms. Would you like to hold my hand along the beautiful ride?
Hold my hands, not a fist to my face. When it comes to social issues; I will never, ever, try to label myself with any sort of term or word and truly understand it. We don't watch ourselves every moment of every day. How can one truly know themselves inside and out? I am friends with those who choose to label themselves as "straight edge" or even "free spirited", and like I said, to each his own, whatever it takes to keep yourself in line is understandable, and kudos. When it all comes down to it, things like drugs and alcohol that are seen as the most "vile" and "immoral" will always be a problem. The abusers living dead-end lives are the only ones who have it wrong. Deviation from norms and experimentation in general, has been, and will always be completely understandable in my eyes because of its long history. Disagree with me you will, but I will always try to understand you. I ask for only one thing, a chance. I always have extra chances on hand if you need to borrow one.
As for chances, I often give most of them out to myself. I have very electric tastes in most things, and am absolutely fascinated with all genuinely passionate forms of expression. Be it graphic art, music, film, or literature. I am absolutely under no circumstances, the music I listen to. I am not the bands I listen to. And in general I am not defined by my interests. I am different in many ways.
Differences are the people that I surround myself with. I love my friends to death and as cliche as it is to say, I would be absolutely nowhere without them. Everyone I surround myself with has something worthwhile to offer to our "group." Every single person I have met throughout my life has touched me in some way. I'm always up for meeting new people and will most definitely give everyone a chance, because regardless of how big of a "loser" they are, everyone has some good in them. I would like to consider myself a nice person, I don't go out of my way to infringe on others' happiness. But, as I said I before, I have no room to label myself when I have little experience in life. However, throughout my small section of life I believe I have learned quite a bit. Always up for learning, I have some years of high school to go and college ahead where I know I will learn much more. I am certainly up for the challenge and the people I will meet. Which also goes back to how I will be seen in the future and that my name is just a cover-up for my individuality. So, let me reach out a hand. I'll give you a chance or another if you've lost it.
"Hello, my name is Ashley."
Oh, to each his own.
I'm processing some thought, are you?
Taffii
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