Sanctuary. Is there such a thing anymore?
People fill my thoughts and it's making me fall, my pen seems to move slower as pressure builds.
What is on my mind today?
Humanity.
Just like everyday, I can feel the weight on my shoulders. It's tearing down my sanctuary and putting my feet on the pavement. I'm not scared of the world, I know of the horrors that await me.
I'm scared of losing everything I stand for.
Lies block out my ears, oh, those sweet lies. Truth is such a bitter thing, but I long to hear it sometimes, just to break the wall down. My once sweet fairytales that I keep in my bedroom drawers have been taken out and replaced with my own writings and history books. My faith toward my childhood is slowly evaporating and I'm longing to reach out toward anyone who will listen.
But how do you trust someone with your complex mind?
Will I ever be able to stay and write as I do now? Can I block out the left side of my brain any longer? Can my iPod's battery hold on just for a little while, just so I can drown out everything around me? It's impossible to follow my dreams, but even harder to let them go. I try so hard to understand why we do what we do, but my thoughts remain to this pen and paper.
I'm stuck in neutral.
I cannot take sides, mud is filling my ears as I feel myself being pushed under. I can hear the fires raging beneath me as the thumping of my heart clears the silence. I can't sense anything anymore, or there's nothing left for me to.
What will I do when the person I love the most leaves me forever? Where do I turn? Where do I go?
Humanity wouldn't be able to help much.
I'm telling my heart, soul, and mind to work together, but everytime I come close, my heart jumps into my throat as it tries to hide.
I'm scared of finishing, to be blocked out forever.
I want to walk the graveyards and read the names on every tombstone. I want to remember more than what humanity engraved upon these corpses and I want to know more than just the people who made a difference. I need to keep those dear to me alive and not let humanity decide who they are.
When the world comes crashing down, I'll be ready, but for now, I learn to trust humanity.
-msof57
