I am the kind of person who always has to know "why". You see, those people are very annoying, or so I've heard. I want to know why the sky is blue in less the 25 words. I want to know why I have to move away from everyone I know and suffer complete culture shock in a completely different world than mine.
I live in a close-knit, standardized, "back-when-I-was-a-kid" world. Where I'm going, anything goes. Who cares if someone's kid runs away to do what they want. It's not big news to them if something happens to someone. They go on with their mechanical lives. Their are groups and lifestyles and everyone there sticks to their lifestyle group. But that's not how it is here. Here everyone intermingles with each other, learning to understand the other lifestyle even if it is miles away from what their living.
So why now, in the middle of an economical crisis, where the world is on the brink of blowing everyone up, do I really need to move? Things are more expensive where we're going. How is that going to boost the economic whatever? What's more, are we supposed to go parading out to our new home like hillbillies in a Yankees grocery store and spread our lifestyle and living traditions and types on them? They surely aren't familiar with us and our ways. Why should we push it into their laps?
I don't want to leave my friends, of course. I have spent the whole of my life with these people, and now I'm supposed to give up all these friendships. Some might say "But you have email, letters and telephone!" Oh, I beg to differ, my dearest comrades. Sure, I do have those things, but have you ever kept up with good friends in those ways? Have you ever felt like you were right there with them, still living your life where they are by exchanging emails and writing a letter and making weekly phone calls? These things are just time-keepers. The biggest things that happen are only exchange but I have learned that the little things matter. You have to be there.
Sometimes, to heal my thoughts, I pretend like I'm in a movie. I turn on a background song in my head and play through my life as though it were being filmed. It would be the story of a girl, named Rachel, preferably, because I like that name, and she would have to move away from all her friends to a state far, far away. Then she would cope and make new friends and become the most popular girl that ever lived. That would be the movie and it would end happily. But that's not my life! My life is so far away from that!
My friends all say, "just be yourself". And how? My obnoxious, need-to-know-why self? No way. I want to be a new person! A new girl with new dreams and new friends and a totally new life. My past would be a ladybug on a leaf that I would occasionally revisit and mingle with. I could completely recreate myself into someone and change this and that into an awesome girl that everyone looks up to and says, "Wow, that girl is super cool." But that's probably not how it's gonna happen, so I might as well brush that out of my head.
This is going to be so hard.
