I am saved.
I am truly, undoubtedly saved.
This weekend was the one of the best and most memorable in my whole life. It was a week of
new people, new experiences, but most of all, I met God.
I'm sitting there listening to our pastor Brian talk about discipline, obedience, and sacrifice, and I mean, I don't know if I'm cut out for it. I hear what he's saying so clearly, but I don't think I can follow. Give up friends for God? Is he crazy? Am I not allowed to believe in gay marriage? But . . . this is my life, this is what I think is right! Am I supposed to completely change my life to be a follower of God?
The answer is yes.
I can say I wasn't reluctant to go to church camp. I am a Christian, after all, this is stuff I should do. So when I got the invitation from my friend Ashley to go to Sandblast, you can bet I said yes. Sure, I was excited, I get to meet new people, and I really like this church, so I was pumped. I guess I really wasn't expecting a life-changing epiphany.
After a six hour bus ride to the camp, I got off the bus and shielded my eyes form the blaring sun. the heat was pretty intense as I hauled my luggage up to the third floor motel-like rooms. Trudging through the open door, I found myself in a room with nine other girls. We all shared a few hello's and got ready for our first camp activity. After playing soccer with a giant ball and getting stepped on, fallen over, and scratched, we filed into the chapel hearing the sounds of Christian Rock.
"You gave what the world couldn't offer us. Say what they want, say what they want. We are free!
Woah-oah!"
We did this for three days, and each day had something new to offer to me. I learned so much in such a short time, but nothing more life-changing than what I experienced that last night.
We found our seats quickly and watched the words to the music appear on the projected screen behind the band. I hand my palms facing up singing to our songs of worship, and I liked it. This church taught kids. It taught me and you, and it was in a way we could understand. I listened to the guitar and bass stop playing as the drum kept going. It sounded like the heartbeat of all of us kids. Casey and Sarah continued to sing. All eight hundred of us repeated.
"Woah-oah!"
"Woah-oah!"
I looked around me, stage lights flashed over faces, the mosh pit in the front grew bigger as the song continued. Hands flew up in the air, people were dancing, singing . . . it was so perfect. A whole group of kids. Just average kids, but together . . . we were something great. In the real world you can't sing about Jesus with your high school buddies, (well maybe you can . . .), you can't spread the word of God unless you want to get laughed at. You can't walk around and expect to have a Christ-talk with everyone you meet. Here you could. Here we can. Here, we felt like the start of a movement. But, even in the spirited atmosphere, we had our time to sit down and listen to what we needed to learn. And this, everyone, is the great defining moment in my life.
And it wasn't anything that was said.
After listening attentively to our sermon, I didn't feel anything for the first time that whole week. It was weird to me, but I guess it wasn't my time to understand what was said, yet. We stood up, ready to sing once more before leaving to go back to our rooms, and that's when I looked over. There, I saw a girl in my group, and she was bawling her eyes out. I kind of checked to see if she was really crying, and that was a definite. And I mean, Look, I had no idea what was going on, so I hugged her and told her it was okay. The music was starting up again, and people were staring, but she continued to cry.
Now, when I see people cry, I start to cry. So now I'm bawling my eyes out, too, (or my eyes were screaming, as my friend would say afterwards), and I don't have a clue why. Soon, Lauren looks over and starts crying too. Then one girl after another, we all started crying.
Then, out of nowhere, I closed my eyes and started to pray.
I had never been a strong Christ follower. I had doubts, I had never believed with a full heart. But suddenly, this huge wave of every emotion was pile-driving me into the ground. So, I'm on my knees trying to drown out the sound of people crying, and I'm praying. I'm praying to Jesus to save me. I'm praying for Him to take me as a follower and a believer. A disciple. Tears are running down my face, and I'm just so confused. I'm happy but sad, I'm scared but excited. My heart was throwing out old hardships, and it was being replaced with an overwhelming sense of love.
I can't tell you what exactly happened that night, I can't even explain it completely to myself, but all I know it I was saved. For the first time, I really felt a holy presence inside of me, and I felt like God was so close. It was such a high.
"I'm not saying the skies will open up and suddenly you'll find Jesus. But some of you might, and that's good."
-Shane, one of our amazing pastors
As we went into the room for session one last time, my heart ached to know I was going to have to keep up my journey alone without this camp anymore. Nobody's going to tell me to read my Bible every day, nobody is going to remind me to pray. Nobody is going to tell me to put my faith in God when everything is going wrong. I have to do it now, and I'm starting to feel ready.
Just minutes before we were about to leave, Brian points at a picture of a man standing in front of three tanks. He looks each of us straight in the eye and says his final parting words.
"Fans can't change the world. No fan will ever change the world. But followers can. Only believers can make a difference."
I am saved.
Author's Note: Snippets of the song Your Name High by Hillsong were used in my article. All quotes were from the pastors at the camp I went to, and that I heard and was touched by personally. I understand that not everyone has the same religious views as me, and I am not trying to make anyone convert, so please be respectful.
