Author's Note: This article may offend some people but that isn't my intention. You don't have to listen to this article if you don't want to. It's your choice.
Last year, I hated my life and I experienced a prolonged bout of depression. I attempted suicide several times but I never actually went through with it. I hated who I was and I hated everything about me. I felt stupid, ugly and worthless. I felt alone. I didn't have anyone in my life who I could talk to about my problems. The truth is, I had many people that I could talk to but I didn't want them to judge me and label me as 'problematic' or 'depressed'. I was so afraid of what they'd think that I didn't go for help.
I firmly believe that my parents don't love me. They used to adore me as a child but somewhere along the life, they stopped loving me forever. I achieved good grades but my parents were never proud of me. I did everything my parents told me to do but they never acknowledged it. Everywhere around me, people were breaking rules and doing things they knew their parents wouldn't approve of. But I stuck to my morals and made sure my actions pleased my parents. Part of doing something is being noticed for it. It's selfish of me to say this but I expected something in return for the good things I did. But I didn't expect anything of monetary value. I expected compliments or acknowledgment.
This year, I realized what a great person I am. I know I'm smart, beautiful and significant in someone's life. I know that I don't need to please anyone. I also know that I don't have to be who other people want me to be. I have to be myself and love who I am. I am not going to follow the rules society has set for me. I am going to follow rules that I believe are right. One day, you're going to realize that you can't depend on your parents. Your parents shelter you so much. But at some point in your life, you are going to meet the real world and realize that you can live without your parents. You can be your own person and still find acceptance in society, if not with your parents. You can get good grades and be acknowledged by people other than your parents, such as universities. You can be important in someone's life - it doesn't have to be your parents'.
What I'm trying to say is - think about your life without your parents in it. I know I have. Don't rely on your parents to love and support you because they won't always do so. Sometimes you'll get an amazing grade point average and they'll throw your report card on the coffee table without glancing at it once. Sometimes you'll score the winning goal and look to the crowd for your parents - and you'll realize they never came.
There are many rules to succeed in life. I'd like to highlight three of them. First and foremost, you have to be yourself. You have to love who you are and have good self-esteem. Second of all, you have to do what you believe in. Do something because you want to - not because you've been told to. Thirdly, you have to realize that you deserve the best. Don't settle for anything less, because you're worth every cent. It'll be a sad day when you realize how useless your parents are. When you realize that, you'll begin to plan your life without your parents in it. Right now, I'm planning my escape. Next year, I'll be 18 years old and off to university. I'll be an adult and living on my own. I won't have to cry myself to sleep. I won't have to hide my home life and put on a fake smile. I won't have to bear being insulted. My life will be empty of my parents. Before I leave, I will thank my parents for influencing my life the way they did. Through them, I've learned how not to act. When I have children, I will never treat them the terrible way my parents treated me. I vow to protect my children from them. I vow to protect myself from them.
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Author's Note: Don't get me wrong. My parents taught me the morals I grew up with. They taught me many things, including right from wrong. But it seems to me that they've given me all that they can give. I'd love to have a good relationship with my parents but I don't think feel the same about me.
