Dear Whyvillians, City Hall workers, and Times Editor,
I am writing this article for a good cause: to make a Whyville service club. By the way, this is POUTINE.
I've noticed throughout my time as a Whyvillian that City Hall is very busy. I have a plan to help out City Hall with their big job of running the best city on the net. It is the Whyville Service, a service of Whyvillians helping Whyvillians and City Hall.
This service will have many departments that specialize in certain areas of helping Whyvillians or City Hall. Every department will be in a general section. The sections are patrol, emotional help, newbies help, activity help, be the best that you can be help, and community service . Community service will be the section for those things that don't fit correctly elsewhere. Before I explain these sections, I would like to get a few facts down: this is for the city of Whyville; it is service that may make you feel better, but do not believe you get paid clams; and it's run by me, not by City Hall -- we're just here to help.
First I would like to explain Section #1 Patrol.
Whyville has an excellent patrol system where they can catch bad Whyvillians doing stuff not wanted by the good Whyvillians. An example is swearing. Even though I give Whyville an excellent comment on their patrol system sometimes they do miss some things -- the short forms of some words or spacing out letters can be done to avoid getting caught by the Whyville filter. So there will be some departments in this section for people who would work to report to City Hall if other people are swearing and getting away with it.
There is also a new thing going on in Whyville where people make baby accounts and even act like a baby. Some people have the desire to be a Whyville mom or dad and may even kidnap a poor little Whyville baby instead of buying a face part child. There would be a patrol for this.
The departments for this and other subjects are the Whyville Army. Now dont go thinking that I mean dropping bombs, etc. like a country's army. I mean more like a peace-keeping force way, like the United Nations in Black Hawk Down, etc. -- an army that brings help, not attitude and violence.
There would also be a police force -- I don't mean a real police force... just like the army, I mean a more common patrol than the army people. There would also be spies... I think we need this because some people may just not commit crimes when the police and army are around. A spy would do their everyday thing but still keep an eye out. Also, a hardly ever used SWAT team when somebody is so out of hand a force of many Whyvillians
has to come and projectile them down and send several 911 reports for a possible banishing. Those are all the departments in Section #1 Patrol. On the side, we might also run security for people having a big party so it is not ruined.
Section #2 Emotional Help.
This is a section for people who are going through a tough time from break-ups, disowns, etc. This will have 2 departments: experienced helpers and regular helpers. The department for experienced helpers is for people that have gone through your situation and are willing to help. Helpers are people who have not gone through your situation but may know what to do. The situations incude break-ups, disowns (parent disowning a kid), hacks and losses.
Section #3 Newbies.
This section is for new Whyvillians who need help to fully understand Whyville. The departments are
Whyville school and help from oldies. Whyville school would be where a very experienced Whyvillian would talk in front of a group of newbies and tell them the works. Help from oldies would be when a group of oldies and a group of newbies would take a tour across Whyville and show the newbies the ropes and tricks, etc.
Section #4 Activity Help.
This section has two departments games and other. Games will be when you get tips on games to raise your salary . Other would be stuff like projectiling and other activties out there in Whyville that some people may need help with.
Section #5 Be The Best You Can Be
The section has 2 sections: Personality and Service. Personality is teaching you how to be the best Whyvillian you can be in personality ways. Service is how for you to learn about these other sections and which one you should join.
Section #6 Community Service
This has one department, which is community needs. In this department, Whyvillians would do community service which does not fit in with the other sections.
Please join a section take as little as 10 minutes out of your day to help others. You should do this because Whyville has given you so much and it would be good to give them a little back. You may even feel better about yourself. Whyville gave you help in times of need; now you can too.
-POUTINE, signing off
