Author's Note: Inspired by Owl City's "Fireflies." I highly recommend you check it out. The link to the music video is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr9EKJatJvA
I get tired of stepping backward and letting it go. I'm tired of the groggy eyes and early Monday mornings, and I'm tired of watching the sun rise as I wait for the bus in the cold.
Everywhere I look, people just go with it. No matter how fast or slow the day is moving, it's just the same. Always. Routine is not my thing and it never will be.
When I feel sad, I don't cry. I write. I play the piano. I sing. I listen to my iPod and dance. I don't run from the pain I feel, I embrace it and heal myself into I am whole again. My boyfriend's shoulder isn't always going to be there, my dad's arms isn't going to hold me when I'm older, and my mom's smile won't be there to greet me in the morning in a few years. To the eight billion people living on Earth, this is just another self discovery story, something we've all got write one day. I've just got another iPod, another favorite song, and some more tears that blend in with the sea.
But to me, it's entirely different. This is my life, and this is not another article in the Times; it's another piece of me. "Fireflies" is not another song, but another expression of how I feel right now. Everything is different in my eyes; everything has a story. Everything has a way to touch me. Every road trip brings a new adventure, and every reference to my hometown makes me remember who I was. I talk about myself way too much. I won't let the fact go that where I'm living is not where I was born. I am too emotional. I am too quiet. I am too loud. I am just too me.
I'd never seen fireflies before until this summer. I was fascinated by the way they floated around my head and were like stars on Earth, by the way they flickered and lit the way to the moon so high above my head, and by the way they would land on my hand and then fly away, off to another world. They helped me learn to not be afraid of walking in the grass in bare feet, and I followed them around as I roamed around my yard. To me, I was creating a childhood memory I'd never had. It was just like how in the winter, I ran outside, rolled in the snow, and built a snowman, just because I never got to do it as a kid. I stay up at night, not because it's the cool thing to do or because I'm watching TV or messing around on the computer, but because I love the night. Everything has always been so quiet on those Saturday nights by myself, with the living room windows open and listening to the breeze whistling through the screens, tempting me to run outside.
I don't know where I'm going in this world. I've been thinking ahead, and I've realized that I don't want to settle for living in one place, having the same job, and being in the same office everyday with the same people. I love people. I hate people. I want to be social. I want to be isolated. I don't want to travel, but merely stumble upon undiscovered things.
You wouldn't believe your eyes if you saw the way I dream. I am standing in the snow on an abandoned bridge, in a cafe in the middle of the night in NYC, standing in a field looking at the stars, and in an empty concert hall with a Steinway and playing my heart out. I am holding others in my arms and telling them it's going to be okay. I am standing in front of a crowd and telling them what I believe in, holding my published book in my hands, tears rolling down my cheeks, finally knowing I've done something with my life.
It's not that I want to be remembered, I just want to change the world, anonymously or not. It's the most cliche thing in the history of the universe, but what else have I got to lose? I don't want to be stuck in an office for the rest of my life, staring at the same four walls. I won't settle for that.
Tonight is the final farewell of the fireflies before they leave until next year. With how quickly the world is changing, who knows if they'll be back? Who knows if I will be here next year, waiting for them.
All I know is that routine is not the life I want. I don't want to fall asleep because I'm scared I'll be missing an opportunity to do something great.
I'm only a silly teenage girl, wishing for the perfect life.
My dreams are far from perfect, but I want to live outside the box and just go with what the world brings me. I can't live outside the box if I'm stuck in one, can I?
I'm living with the fireflies.
-msof57
