Author's Note: A sort of prayer for the lost . . .
There are so many reasons I'm letting you fade away.
You think you know what I want, who I need to be. When I was lost, you took my hand and guided me to the snow pouring out the window. You let me touch the crystals on my fingertips and let the sweet ice water run down my lips.
Listen to me now. You are not the summer breeze that can carry my fears away. You do not know that I lie awake every night afraid, scared, and unsure of who I am. You don't know what it's like to feel a gun pressed against your head and feel the weight of the trigger so close to death. You don't know how blood can run cold on your hands and stain the clothes you wear. You don't know what it's like when you're too alone to cry.
You blessed me with a feeling, one of memories. One that let me see who I was, who I am, and who I'm to be. You don't need to say I'm going to be alright; I knew that all along. But it's the fear of letting me go that's dragging you down, that's cutting me open inside.
I know we never look each other in the eyes. I know you don't cry and I don't scream. But can't you see that during the night, you wish I was there too? Because maybe it's not me that is searching for something, maybe it's you. Maybe you don't know who you are, so helping me discover who I am will help you along the way.
I can see you when I'm looking in the mirror, when the tears are in my eyes, and my hair is blocking my view. I can see you in the drinks that try to make the pain go away. I can see you . . . I can see you . . .
Don't forget to say goodbye when you leave, and don't let me forget to kiss you on lips. For I know that soon it will be the end, and know that you won't be running back this time . . .
-msof57
