For months I have suffered being easily angered at being called "Emo". Not that it's bad or anything . . . it's just that I'm not.
I've been known to resort to violence first, and ask questions later. I am the girl known for her punky attitude and crazy aura. I bring shy people out of their shells and make their personalities shine. But I can't do that for myself. I try to help others before I help myself. And in this, I've been the more generous girl who gets hurt.
When will it be my turn to win?
I don't mean to cause fights. I don't mean to cause arguments. I mean, when will it be my turn to have a smile on my face without any pain behind it? When will my time to be the girl who I envy come? Why don't I shine as radiantly as her?
Because I hide who I am from the world.
I am spontaneous. I fit in with others because I hide my originality. I've let it show here and there, designing my own hair accessories, converting ear rings into nose studs . . . I am a creator. I am one in a million. I do my own thing with my everything. I've gotten into the habit of tearing my uniform clothing. I dyed my hair full out purple with a streak of lighter purple.
But . . . I only stand out physically. With the personality traits I use, I am not me. People like me for what I'm not, and I'm afraid they'll hate me for what I am. I haven't been the girl everybody hates in two years, and I'm not going back.
But the backstabbings are coming back. My reign is ending.
I don't want to be trapped by myself anymore. But what option do I have if I want to be one of everybody else?
I don't. And I won't.
I don't care if he does not like me for who I am. I don't care if she does not like my personality. I will be me, I will let my true colors show. I'll dance like nobody is watching, theoretically speaking.
I will be that nerdy chick who will seriously discuss math problems with you, who compliments your verb or adjective use. I'll be the punky chick who will stand up for herself. There's no hiding now.
So what if my friends are stabbing me in the back? Shows what friends they are. What about those girls who talk about me? I don't care! They obviously have nothing better to do than talk stuff, so I'll let them. Not like it's bothering me.
There's no hiding when you're being you and all of your personality traits are showing. Maybe then I'll find people who like me for who I am, and a boyfriend who appreciates my inner beauty.
There's no shame. No hiding. Nothing.
I'm running free now. What about you?
