I cannot even find a word to describe how I have felt today. Confused? No, too . . . far off. Lost? Frustrated?
No. I was scared.
I have two passions that I cannot go without. Writing is of course one of them. I will always be a writer at heart. I have never been bored by writing for the simple fact that I belong with a pen in hand and tons of notebooks.
I have many unfinished stories. I'm considering getting them published. Some of the stories have been lost and recently re-discovered. Poetry that's been lost, poetry with tear stains on the paper, you name it, I've probably got it.
Music is life, that's my motto. I cannot write without any music. In fact, most of my writing has been inspired by music. I live, breathe, and eat music. In fact, if I could, I would want nothing more than to be given every single recorded song in the world, and I could go through them.
I'm a music writer. I sing. I play piano. Music is like a religion to me. Life is my dance and music is my style, I just go with the rhythm and dance like no body's watching.
But there's conflict here.
I want to go to a school that will make my talents purely blossom. My school of choice has both musical career pursuit, and creative writing pursuit. But I have to choose one, and only one. I couldn't go without my talents in music extending, without the love and joy I feel whenever I sit down at the piano. But I can't live without my writing talents expanding beyond creative writing, beyond merely amateur writing.
This is what I am, I am a writer, I am musical. Music is what led me to finding my talent in writing. Writing is what swirls the ideas in my head and inspires me. I cannot live without either, music is the air I breathe, writing is my heartbeat. They have to co-exist.
All day I have given myself a headache with this never-ending debate. "Pick me, Monet'!" "No, pick me, Momo!" I will not settle for second best and just go to the IB school. I want to love my career as an adult. I want to love my life as an adult. I want music, I want writing, I crave them both.
They're what keeps my heart beating day in and day out.
And here I am, torn between the two, dilemma in hand.
