I think it's funny how things really do happen when you least expect them to . . .
When I first met you, I despised you. I found you to be annoying, ignorant, and just an all out jerk. I hated you as much as every male I talked to at that time. You were just . . . stupid to me at that point.
Two years later, my feelings remained unchanged. Until one day, my friends and I were sitting watching you and some other guys mess around when it hit me, "Maybe I do like him a little . . . but just a little."
With more time and growing conversations, I figured out that I did like you. A lot. I was determined to snag you away from everyone, doing everything in my power to thrust myself suddenly into your life.
Funnily enough, you didn't seem to notice. We became better friends, but it was nothing like I had been hoping for. Not the kind of, "I can cry on your shoulder and spill my problems to you," relationship. It was a friendship. No more, no less.
I remember when Sarah and Amy were obsessed with you at the time, too. Gosh how I hated them. They were your typical snobby, preppy, and all around bratty girls. They thought they were on top of the world when really they just faked their way up the social ladder, lying through their teeth.
When you announced you'd be late because you were getting braces, I remember Sarah shouting, "I'll be the first one to see his braces!" Well . . . she wasn't. It was me. Me. I stood there with my friends (Who also liked you at the time, maybe not as much) WAITING for you, determined to get both bragging rights and add in something else to your conscious that said, "She's there waiting for you. She wants to see you and to see your smile. She . . . loves you".
During our class production, we hung out backstage together almost like we had known each other our whole lives. We laughed, and you hugged me (this was nothing new, but each hug was special to me), and we laughed some more. You had even stayed up late the night before and fell asleep across my criss-crossed legs.
Oh your hugs, how I miss them. You knew just how to hug . . . it was like perfection. The feeling of someone you love with their arms around your waist is something to cherish, trust me. I loved every single envelopment in laughter and friendship I could steal from you. You always whispered the funniest things in my ear, that same goofy grin held on your face and your sparkly blue eyes staring straight at me.
Your laughs contained the perfect mixture of amusement and almost even (dare I say) spite towards the person outdoing you in humor. Not as though you couldn't make anyone laugh any day, you didn't like being outshone.
It amuses me that we became this close, and I loved you this much, and yet all we had was a friendship. I wished it was more, and I don't know about you. All I can say is, the only times I've cried within the past long while have been over you. Whether it was watching our production on DVD and seeing you moonwalk across the stage or if it was just a memory of arms around me, you have a magic that I can't withstand.
So yes, I miss you. So yes, I am writing this here pouring my heart out through the keys of my computer.
So yes, I loved you.
Author's Note: Names changed for privacy.
