Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever dreamt of how magnificent this universe is and how small we really are?
When I crane my neck to look up into the night sky, I see Orion and dream of what planets lie beside those stars. I can't help but wonder if there's someone out there thinking the same thoughts as I am, trying to picture life on another planet.
I can't believe how consumed we are with our lives. I can't believe some people are just content to waste their lives away and not make any difference, only living to really die.
What if Heaven breaks through? What if you fall through a hole and you're left wandering the earth for all eternity? Would you be content? Would you believe it was for the best?
I wouldn't.
I'm trying to imagine my life without sunsets, stars, blue skies, rain . . . It's nearly impossible. I'm questioning this reason for living so much I'm going mad. Every word I write is growing more intense until I rip the paper in half altogether and lean my head down in my arms and cry. I don't want to die yet, because I know my life will have meant nothing. But I don't want to live, because what after all those years it still means nothing?
And with love fading around us more quickly than ever, with soulmates becoming harder to find and marriages being broken through by lies and sweet words, who do I have to live for? I find it hard for God to fill this empty hole in my heart, that I never know if it will be filled or not.
Ever since we got our new piano, I find myself playing more than ever. Sometimes I'll sit down and play until I look up and realize the sun is gone. Between Chopin, Beethoven, Chris Martin, and Bono, I feel safe for a moment, if only a moment. I wrapped myself up so hard in that U2 concert just a few months ago, and maybe that's the reason I cried when Bono turned off the stage lights and told us to turn this place into the Milky Way. With every flame a star and every cell phone screen a planet trying to break through the darkness. We are stars, as everyone tells us, but maybe in a more literal way than we can understand.
Maybe I am apart of one greater universe, that does not entirely revolve around black holes and galaxies that can't be seen by even the strongest of telescopes. I don't even think Hubble could see the reason I keep writing and keep singing like tomorrow is never going to come.
With Christmas gone, and the single digit years ending, I can feel reality sinking in faster than ever. Because it's only a couple more years until the high school doors are shut behind me and I find myself wandering around on my own.
From my hometown, to Amsterdam, to college, to love, to life, to writing, to music, I'm happy knowing I can look up into the sky and see some of the Milky Way shining through.
Because I am a star. And I am not alone.
-msof57
