You saw me in French today. I saw you on my way to sixth period. Our eyes met before the first period bell. After school, you were there, at your locker, just goofing off with your friends.
You're such an awesome dork. I love it. You're so lame, but yet you're amazing. I can't describe you; all I know is that I somewhat have feelings for you. You have no idea. Maybe it was because you led me on - or did you? Your mixed signals are making me confused. I can't understand you anymore. You talk to me, you care about me, but then you ignore me for her. Or her. Have you lost interest? Has my slight depression repelled you?
Come back, please. How ironic, I think, as I write this. "Gotta Be Somebody" came onto my iPod, and now I just feel alone. I could be surrounded by a hundred people that I know and love, but yet I don't think that would make me feel okay. I have to figure this out for myself, but yet, I can't. I just can't comprehend my gut feelings.
I like you, but yet, how could I forget Ben? What a love story. I prayed that this would never happen to me. That I would never get stuck in the middle of two guys, neither knowing me, me loving them both. Then again, I prayed that my friends would accept me. I prayed for an A in math. I prayed that things would work out with Ben. None of those things worked out according to plan. Maybe luck just isn't my thing. Maybe I shouldn't hope for anything. Maybe I shouldn't . . .
I need help. You have to help me realize these feelings for you and Ben, and where I stand in this world. I know I can't handle a relationship. I just know it. But, I can't help but wonder. Is this love? Oh no, there's that L word. Can't use that. I don't know love. Other people do, other teens do, but I don't. I don't.
I must get this into my head. I do not know love. I don't know you. I don't know myself.
Help me realize the answers to my questions.
Please.
