Stop the noise. Break it into smaller, quieter fragments that my brain can analyze and make sense of. Stop all of the chaos breaking out around me, I can't take it anymore. I want all of this turmoil and confusion to go away. I want the world to stop spinning at odd angles that make my stomach bubble and churn. I want the silence and stillness to come back. I wish that the noise would stop. Stop the noise.
Stop the screaming, I can't bear to listen to the piercing octave any longer.
Stop it all, this nonsense filling up my head. I know that all of the noise and screaming is only going on inside my brain, because it's me who's causing it all. I'm stressed beyond belief, and it is completely my fault. How could I let myself fall so easily? Why can't I just pick myself back up and continue where I left off, smiling like nothing every happened.
Because it isn't that easy, nothing ever is. No matter how hard I wish it were, I'm going to remain on the ground and in the dirt, with the screaming noise shattering my eardrums. I've got no motivation or inspiration, and I've got no place to try to salvage any.
The saddest part about this whole ordeal is that is can be fixed so easily. The event that caused this downfall happened over a year ago, and I still can't get myself over it. All I want is some closure, but I can't seem to allow myself that. I'm far too embarrassed to confront myself about it, much less the other side to the mess I created. There, I said it. The mess I created, not the mess that I just happened to be there for. I was the one that sparked my own downfall, and I'm the only one to blame.
And I hate it. I want someone else to blame, but the good person inside of me refuses to even pretend that it was their fault. It was me and only me, the sole deserver of this burden called blame. What can I do to make it go away? I need my closure; I need to be able to talk to them and let them understand my motives. I need to let them know, and I need to know if they miss me half as much as I miss them.
I want to rewind my life, go back a year ago. I want to fix things, just so this screaming inside my head will stop. I want to stop running from the embarrassment of the opinions of myself and others.
The only problem is I'm a coward, and I'll never have the guts to ask the questions I need the answers to. And after all, don't answers only lead to more questions?
