I got this title from something I read on a fan fiction site, if it seems familiar to any of you. So I guess this article really isn't mine at all. Regardless, enjoy it maybe?
So I guess that you weren't my muse at all.
For two years you told me you were mine, even when we couldn't be together because my mother never liked you.
For three years I've had the biggest crush on you. These three years have by far been the most painful ones of my life, because of you.
Yet because of you, I gained a power over myself that I would cling to in my deepest moments of despair and pain. This power, I hide until I need it, because I want to savor every moment of using it. This is the power that I turn to when I can't find anyone to talk to, any way to express my pain.
I write. And I am proud of this.
Now, this is something you cannot take from me. I will suffer from writer's block for months on end, and then inspiration hits me when I get hit with an emotion so strong that I can't channel it through anything else. Music? Trust me, I've given up all aspirations I've had there. Sports? I'm highly uncoordinated, so I gave up on that, too. Though I'm great at basketball, as my clumsiness always seems to benefit us one way or another, I just . . . don't know.
Never is a promise, you see. You promised you loved me, and look where we've ended up. We're washed up on two different shores, with an ocean between us. You didn't even care for me as a friend, look at the things you've done to me. What use could I have possibly been to you? What could you have used me for?
I can't bear the thought of you anymore. Well, I take that back, I can. It's just hard. Sometimes, a little thing reminds me of you and I smile, just a bit, knowing that I had you once. Then the reality hits, that I'll never have you again, that you'll never even look at me again, and it almost breaks me. Almost. I almost cry, I almost close my eyes and wish the world away so I can break by myself. And then, I do close my eyes. But not to wish the world away. I close my eyes and smile because I've lived without you before. And I will live without you again, because I'm doing it right now. There will be one day where I can think of you, and hate you, but that day hasn't come yet, and I don't see it for a long while.
There will be a day where someone can mention your name and it won't hurt to think.
But I really will be the only thing you didn't screw up, if you think about it. You started screwing up your life and I was the only person who didn't give up on you. Your mother threw her hands up, and so did your teachers. You did, too, and I don't know why I tried to help you when it was so obvious you didn't want my help. You screwed up everything, because of your own idiocy, you failed this entire school year. I will never understand why you oh so willingly chose the road to being worthless, when it was so easy for you to just do your work. You screwed up everything, you messed up your life only 14 years into it. And you wanted me to go with you to being a good for nothing loser? Oh no, honey, that isn't going to work.
But look what you did for me. You gave me insight to how low people can be. You gave me this talent, you gave me writing. Isn't it sad that your failure is going to be the reason for my success? Later on in life you're going to wish you accepted my help, and I'm not just saying that to be smug. You're going to see just how far I'm going to go because I never gave up on my education, like you. Knowing the path you're going down saddens me, because I don't even think you're going to live to be 25, but I can't off myself with you. There's too much in store for me, and there would be for you, if you'd just try. You can turn your life around still, but I don't see you trying, because you're effortlessly and happily doing stupid things.
I love you, still, after everything you've done to hurt me. After all of the stupid crap you do to yourself, to others, I have never ceased to care.
But honey, never is a promise. It's never going to be there again, I promise.
Some people say "Never say never!" But why? Sometimes, never is just the appropriate word to describe things, and in this case, it's the perfect word.
Monet1616
