"Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt." ~ Terri Guillemets
Going green. It supposedly saves the world, it helps our atmosphere stay clean, and it helps us use less poisoning gases. We all can do it, from changing our cars to hybrids to just riding a bike around. This green seems fresh and lovely, it seems like a joyful kind of green. Maybe a lime color or something.
But that's not what I'm here for. No, I'm talking about a completely different green; one that hurts everyone around us. I'm talking about going green with envy. Jealousy. This kind of green is probably considered more of a deep dark forest green than a bright lime or grassy field of happiness. What's worse? We all know that feeling where that forest-y hauntedness enters our hearts, knots our tummies, and drowns out cheer.
A rather drastic turn for the worse, don't you think?
Alright, look, we all get it. We feel that immense tearing in our heart when we see our best friend hanging around some chick you don't even know. You feel deserted, and not the chocolatey kind. No, sir, there is nothing sweet about it. However, since I've acknowledged the obvious, how about something we don't often hear? Like how to deal with this furiousness burning a hole inside you.
For me, my anger from jealousy was hard to control. I kept going off on people and hurting my friends, unable to think properly and undetermined to cool down. After my heated arguments I felt horrible for ripping a buddy to pieces with words because of a minor jealousy inducing incident. In general my inability to settle down after something very small flared up the flame inside me was disturbing the peace I so desperately craved from the dramatic lifestyle of a teenager.
It was time to chillax, take a chill pill, calm down turbo, anything else that would represent cooling my mind down after a fire in the 'jealous' and 'I cannot believe you just ditched me for her' department. However, I had trouble finding a way to settle these little conflicts.
Lucky enough, something to help soothe the soul for me is always music that relates to what I'm feeling. If I'm angry, I get angry music playin' and my head rollin', and if I'm sad I play some Script or Five for Fighting. But when I didn't have access to hearing music, I figured I may as well play some. My outlet immediately went to piano. So if I'm at home and was able to hold in my frustration after something annoying my 'friend' did all day, I sat down at my keyboard and it distracted me from the rage welling inside. I easily calmed down, like MAGIC!
Now I know some of you don't know how to even play a note on a musical instrument, and music may not do anything but frustrate you even more, so I've got some tips for keeping your cool while in a heated situation like that instant spark of jealousy.
1) Remember that what you see isn't always what's truly happening. If your man touched another lady's arm, that doesn't mean the end of the world and it doesn't mean your man ain't your man anymore. Take time to think through the situation and talk to them.
2) Best friends are best friends. A best friend should be someone you can tell your feelings to when things get rough, so if they get angry because you misunderstood a situation you saw them in *see number 1* then they really aren't doing a dandy job and perhaps you should look to other trustworthy friends for advice.
3) Take your mind off what just happened until you're calm enough to discuss it. Usually people are jealous when someone they know and care about defies them (or they think so). Talking about it with the person you care about *see number 2* is definitely a way to settle what's happened here and to calm your nerves.
4) Don't yell. Yelling is seriously the greatest way to make things WORSE. Especially if you're trying to 'discuss' something that made you feel jealous with the person who caused it. (For all you jealous texters out there, don't type in caps to pretend to yell. IT GETS REALLY ANNOYING, DOESN'T IT?)
5) Once more, DON'T jump to conclusions. That's how jealousy starts in the first place. *refer to number 1*
Now, number 3 is very general with taking your mind off of the subject. If you can't think of anything, one idea would be to draw or even to just scribble on a piece of paper. Take your anger out on something that can't feel it, not on a friend who caught you in a bad mood.
With these little tips in the back of your head, I'm sure dealing with all the drama of dark green jealousy will be made easier and will make everyone involved happier faster. So now you can say "there's no need to go green on me."
~ gerenago2
