Author's Note: I'm writing this on Saturday, October 16th. So you will most likely be reading this a couple days after, today. Sorry if it confuses you.
*Four Years Ago*
"Happy Birthday!" A crowd of family and friends cheers at me while I blow out my ten candles on my birthday cake my mom had beautifully crafted. I was finally in the double digits, after days of counting down to my birthday. I was wearing one of my favorite dresses that I had worn to church that day and was skipping around the house. I went to bed that night happy, and glad I was older and in the double digits.
*Now*
"Happy Birthday!" A crowd full of smiling, and singing friends and family sing to me. I'm smiling because, well, it's my birthday and I'm surrounded by people who I love. I look back four years ago to realize that the four years went by fast.
Four years from now I'll be eighteen -- a legal adult. I'll be preparing to go to college, writing applications, and finding a job to help pay for college. I'll be getting ready to vote, and to live on my own. I will no longer be living with my parents in less than a year. I'll be taking college exams, and be providing for myself.
What if I'm not ready by then? Four years seemed to pass by so fast from the age of ten to fourteen. Four years is just waiting around the corner to hit me in the face. What if I can't handle life on my own? I can barely juggle what life has thrown at me already. I need my parents to help juggle my load. Once I'm on my own, I have to juggle my load on my own. I can't do that. I need someone to be there to lead me along the right way, I need someone to help me decide on what path I should take. What if I can't handle being alone at night, knowing that my parents aren't there to make me feel safe.
I can't be ready for the next four years ahead. I barely even think I'm ready for what will happen this year. I will be handling getting ready to go to high school, and that seems such a enormous step to take. It blows my mind how fast time has gone; it seems just yesterday I was around my mother's legs begging to not go inside of a school. Tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall, and I was clutching her leg harder than I had ever had before. She tried to smooth out my fears, but it was no use.
I don't think I'm ready for the next four years.
