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I'm sorry that I can't be normal for once. I'm always making trouble, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wish death upon you each night. I apologize that none of my apologies sound sincere enough for you to accept them. Maybe I'm just dumb or something, because I can't quite hear you out on why you hate me so much. I'm sorry that my heart wouldn't beat for a minute if I were living for you. But because you hate me, I hate you. I'm sorry that I can't help it. I wouldn't do anything in the world for you if I didn't feel threatened, and I apologize for that.
I'm sorry that you're a jerk, and you don't know how to treat family. I'm sorry that you're the nicest guy to your friends, and Doctor Evil when it comes to family. I'm sorry that I can't figure out how you got friends. I'm sorry that if you ever see this you'll hate me more. I'm sorry that if I were to say this out loud you wouldn't believe me. I'm sorry that I have to live with a bum like you.
I'm almost done being sorry though. I can't wait to move out, to leave you behind. Some people may say that you were one of the ones who brought me into this world, I should respect you. No, because you don't care for me. You want me to feel bad about myself. Well, I hate to say it, but you're winning. You have played the guilt trip on me many a night, and I don't want it anymore. You are a stupid, hateful, ugly, unwanted person. You abuse us all, except for the youngest few. When you deny the truths I tell you, I feel abusive. But you taught me to feel this way. I have to hold back from hurting myself.
Do you not see that sitting around all day and every once in a while cleaning something, or changing something around is not supporting us? You need to get off your lazy bottom and find a job. Why did you take me out of school? Was there honestly a reason? Because there was no danger for me there, and just because you hate the teachers is not good enough. You're embarrassing me, and worst of all you're ruining my future. I'm sorry that I don't have the guts to tell you to your face because, "The belt is making a comeback!" and, "I will backhand you so hard!" I hate to say it, but I am utterly afraid of you.
I'm sorry that you want to break my jaw. I apologize for the fact that you like to lie to me. I'm sorry that most of my apologies are indeed fake, because I just say what you want to hear. I just wish you would leave me alone, daddy. I really honestly hate you. This is my tale of abuse, and I refuse to let it happen again.
Editor's Note: Thank you to this author for sharing this courageous story. If you or someone you know is dealing with abuse, please talk to someone you can trust (another family member, teacher, friend, or even a police officer). Abuse of any kind can never be tolerated. There are people who want to help and will find a way to keep you safe.
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