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By this time in my life, I thought I would have it all figured out. I would be perfect, getting perfect grades, have a perfect boyfriend, and have perfect health. I always thought that after elementary school I would not spread rumors, get into drama, have a lot of friends, and be what everyone wants me to be. However, I have found that I am the complete opposite.
I have found my life in misery, suspense, and I am the damsel in distress. It isn't story book damsel in distress either. It is me pleading for help, and nobody stopping to save me. Nobody stopping to ask me what is wrong, nobody stopping to tell me everything will be better. Because if they did, they would be lying. Every time I get back on my feet again, another storm hits. Another blow, another day . . .
I can't tell you how many times I have just sat to and thought to myself, 'Wow, this is what it is like to go insane.' Going to bed at night is a nightmare, having so much time to myself to think. The more I think, the more I know. The more I know, the more I hurt. It's a funny thing actually, how my mind plays tricks on me. It tells me everything is okay in the worst of moments, or it says the storm is calm but . . . what it doesn't realize is it is just the calm before the storm.
I have gone for help, believe me I have. I have gone to trusted adults even. I've done everything the books have said, I have read articles and articles about what to do when you are feeling depressed or lonely. I even bothered myself to call a hot-line. The hot-line probably helped the most, but it wasn't enough. After hanging up that phone, I just felt more alone with the fact that that was the only person I liked talking to. I felt more alone, because I had nobody else to call. I felt more alone, because there was no one to hug me, to just even give me comfort. Nobody to look in my eyes and tell me it is going to be okay. I would love to be lied to right now, just to believe the lie again.
So, here I am. Writing about all this. And if you are reading this, I kind of just want to give you a little bit of my mind. Do you know anybody like me? I bet you know someone who sits alone all day. I bet you know someone who has nobody to talk to. And I bet you never even bothered to go and talk to him or her. Maybe you are thinking now, 'Oh yeah, I have. I tried talking to him or her.' Did you really? Did you ask him or her what is wrong? Did you keep asking for a answer after he or she said, "Yes, I am alright"?
Or maybe you think you are like me. Which, how would you know? I didn't give any details about what happened to make me feel this way. But I bet you might feel the way I do at some point, for whatever reason. What I have learned, is that everybody goes through things. Every single person has some kind of issue(s) in their life. Everyone feels upset at some point, and are just waiting for someone to come to the rescue. Could you be the hero to save the damsels in distress?
The reason I wrote this, is to maybe open some minds if they weren't already open. Because what I have also learned from all this is that it is not how much you go through that makes you strong or weak. What makes you strong or weak is how much you go through and are still able to get back every time. I need help, not to get rid of my problems, but to help me mentally.
Maybe all we need, is that one person that can pull us out of the storm.
Rachel
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