"Kelsey, you're so tall!", "Why are you so tall Kelsey?", "Hey Kelsey, can you shrink a bit so I don't feel so short?", "Kelsey, you're waaaayyy too tall." That is what I hear on a daily basis, people commenting on how tall I am. I'm 15 years old (16 in less than a month) and I'm around 5'8" tall. I know I'm not abnormally tall for my age, I'm not a giant, but I am generally taller than most girls (and a lot of guys).
I remember in elementary school when we use to compare our height to see who was tallest and EVERYBODY wanted to be the tallest kid in the class. Well, I was never the tallest. I was close to the tallest, but I was also around the same height as everyone else. High school came and everyone's growth slowed down . . . except mine. I just kept growing and growing until I towered over most. I never really realized I was that much taller than others, or that it was a bad thing . . . until these past few years.
The comments on my height started coming more and more frequently from the mouths of my friends who are all around 5'5". They started making comments about how I'm always looking down on them, and how short they feel in comparison, and how I can never wear high heels because that would be disastrous.
I'm sure all of these comments were meant to be harmless, but I started taking them to heart. I laughed along at jokes about my height, acting like it didn't bother me, but inside I was starting to think of myself as a freak. In my mind, I wasn't a few inches taller than everyone else, I was ten feet taller. I started to think of myself as the Eiffel Tower, and everyone else as ants. When I thought of myself in comparison to others, in my mind I'd be looming over them.
These visions got worse when I started liking a boy who was extremely short, even compared to other people. My friends would say I could never go out with him because I would squish him, and if he ever tried to kiss me he would need a step ladder. Sadly this wasn't much of an exaggeration.
Now, I'm not just tall, but I'm also skinny and lanky. I have long limbs in general: long legs, long arms, long fingers, big hands, big feet. Thus gives me the feeling of being tall and goofy. I sometimes avoid school dances because I have the image of be as a giant with limbs flailing everywhere and beaming people in the face.
I recently bought a pair of wedges. I absolutely love that pair of shoes . . . but whenever I try wear them to school the image comes to mind of me walking down the crowded hallway, my head way above everyone else's. My mom came into my room one of these times when I was trying the shoes on and looking longingly in the mirror.
"That looks nice" she says.
"No, I'm too tall" I reply
"Kelsey! It's a good thing to be tall! You walk into a room and all eyes are on you, you'll stand out!"
Great pep talk. I don't WANT to be noticed for my height! I'd rather be noticed for my intelligence, my clothing, my face, my talents, my personality . . . not for how tall I am.
I just wish I would shrink a few inches . . . just enough so I could wear high heels and not be a tower.
Funny isn't it? Wanting to be shorter so I can wear something that will make me taller?
I just don't want to be a tower.
-ocean10kv
