Author's Note: I am also the author of "Confessions of a Cheater" (article ID 12100). I'm not submitting these under my username for personal reasons.
Acting and lying are practically the same thing, if you really think about it. You can argue all you want, but when it boils down to it, you'll realize I'm right.
Because of that, I'd rather call myself an actress. It doesn't have the same bite to it. And I act about many things. Even in my writing, I act. In my other article, I changed details to hide behind a fake identity. I do that entirely too often in my writing, and furthermore in my life.
I'll act like I've had a horrible life to get a good angle on a story. I'll act like I'm perfect to cast blame on someone else. I'll act like I'm alright so no one can see my depression. I'll act normal and happy so no one thinks I'm acting.
It's all a lie, a mask, a complete sham. I'm nothing like who I present myself to be. I'm not smart, I'm not talented, I'm not popular, I'm not happy. I simply know how to manipulate facts, and to use them to my advantage. It's a shame I'm not into theater, I'm sure I could make an excellent performer.
My acting will be my downfall, I'm sure. Every time I act like I'm okay, everything builds up even more inside of me. Someday I imagine myself exploding. Sure, I'm small and soft spoken, but there's a raging beast inside me waiting to devour everyone I hate.
Sometimes I'm not like that. Sometimes I'm just so depressed I can't get out of bed. Sometimes I'm so happy I could hug the whole planet. And no matter what, I act like my placid mask is real, and I die inside a little more.
Even around my best friends and my family, I act. They think they know everything about me, they call me plain, boring, and quiet. They'd be surprised if they saw me as myself: loud, brash, spontaneous, and everything they hate. I act for acceptance. I need to have friends or I'll hate myself.
Sometimes I act so well I even fool myself. In all honesty, I'm not even sure who I am anymore. If you act like something you're not for too long, that's who you'll become.
Don't act, like I do. You'll kill yourself inside.
