Where do I begin?
To say goodbye, to close the year, I just can't do it. So much has happened to me; it's as if I've been in a tornado the past nine months. It's been that way for us all. More this year for me than ever. Seventh grade is just a footnote to my eighth grade year I will always always remember. The year that I spilled my heart out on journal pages and the year I found myself. I can't forget that.
It's been a lot more busy these past few months. All of 2011 in eighth grade is pretty much documented. Even into February and March. Trust me, those weren't even that eventful. It's April, it's May. Those months are my life. I have matured so much. I'm not bragging, I'm not saying everyone else is like a kid, but I've changed and I act so differently now. One of my best friends on here was inactive until these last few weeks and she said I have changed too. I can only hope that this change is really for the better.
I'm not the same person I am with my friends. For the first time in my life, I stood up to someone other than a bully. I stood up to my friends. That took everything in me. I honestly think I have earned respect. Maybe. I can't be sure. I can never be sure anymore. Recently, I just read the journal of a girl I used to call twin, who I used to hate, and who is now probably my best friend again. Life is complicated, isn't it?
That changed me a lot. Shelby has probably made me half of what I am today. That isn't all. That's not even the start. There is a lot that has changed me this year. One of them has to be the seventh graders. I love them all to death. No matter how much some of those girls hate me and no matter how much those guys use me, I still love them all. In the batch of the two hundred and fifty kids I'm talking about, there are also some amazing people. Two of them are my favorite twins I have ever met and they are moving. How am I going to deal with that, I don't know. I guess I'll manage.
Still, I haven't come to the biggest thing yet. It may not even be that huge, but it changed me. And I had to say goodbye to that early. Not forever, but for the summer. I'm talking about one of my friends that makes me smile at the sight of him. He's the only guy I've ever fallen for that's in my grade this year too. It's not some silly dream either. I have a chance. Well, I had. I just don't know anymore, at it scares me.
With that goodbye last Friday, it killed something inside of me. I have no clue if high school will be the same. I can only hope my heart out. This guy, Ethan, is the only thing that's been there every day making me smile. I didn't even like him until April. The 28th to be exact. Before and after that, things didn't even change. It's really amazing. I can't even comprehend the words I want to use to describe how I feel when I see him or even think about him. That's how messed up I am.
Now that I'm done with this article and middle school, I'm not one bit closer to understanding how I feel about all of this. I guess I'm just this fourteen year old girl that isn't really ready for high school and that isn't ready to say goodbye. The sad truth is . . .
I all ready have.
