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I've never really considered myself to be pretty; I never thought I was ugly, but not pretty, just average. I've been told I was beautiful and that I should model, but it was always by my family, so I never took it to heart.
There were, however, a few occasions when I had felt pretty. Last year, when I had went to by a snack at lunch, the lunch aid asked me if I was a model. When I said no, she said, "You should be." When I got a haircut, it looked so different and my friend said I looked like a superstar. One time my 'frenemie,' who I argue with daily and with whom I share a mutual dislike, told me, "You look really pretty today." To this day, I don't know whether it was the truth, since she lies a lot, but she sounded sincere, and it really made a difference.
One of the things I hate about myself is the fact that the little fat I have is all in one spot: my lower stomach. And because of this I have a slight muffin top if I wear some pants. It also sticks out a bit, a fact which is magnified through my arched back. I feel like nobody else looks like that, they're just skinny with a completely flat stomach or they're heavy. But then, looking around, not all of my friends are skinny. In fact, I can only think of three off the top of my head who aren't really skinny. One of them blames it on her abs, but the other two don't say anything about it. One is completely happy and confident. I want to be like her, which brings me to the point of this article.
I want to feel good about myself. As I realized yesterday, dancing around the house in Soffe shorts and an oversized t-shit to the Sun Drop commercial, I felt confident. But the problem was that I was in an oversized t-shirt, which makes me look skinny. I can't walk around in them, so I need to convince myself that I really am skinny. Even still, that I felt confident yesterday at all brought me one step closer.
And then we get to my face, the other thing I hate about myself. It's not actually my face; I love my eyes, my nose isn't too big, my lips are chapped, but not too big or too small. It's my acne and a mole I have on my left cheek. My acne isn't that severe, but against my pale skin is extra noticeable, at least to me. As for my mole, it's not huge, and I just have to accept that it's a part of me, and it makes me unique. I'm getting close to that goal.
So what am I going to do to reach the overall goal of feeling good about myself? Continue washing my face twice a day (for my acne) and start eating healthier, drinking more water, and exercising more -- which is perfect, because it should help with both my acne and that tiny bit of fat. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. If it does, then it'll make my self-image better a lot quicker.
If it doesn't work, I need to pay more attention to my eyes and other features that I like about myself and I have to accept that nobody pays attention to the tiny bulge in my stomach. I'll just have to learn to look past that pouch on my stomach and those dots on my face. I'm already almost over the mole, and know that I'm skinny, that little pouch aside. Just a little farther. I'm almost there.
This is to all the teenage (or tween) girls out there with insecurities: You are beautiful. Join me on my journey; learn to look past your imperfections and see only your perfections. Don't let anybody tell you you're not pretty, or skinny, or whatever else they might say. You need to see yourself as pretty before others can. Just tell yourself, "I am beautiful," or point out all your wonderful qualities, and you're almost there.
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