Today

The pain soaked into my soul today. The pain of loneliness and regret. I felt my heart getting heavier and heavier as I dragged along my lifeless body around. I feel so empty with you not here with me.

I walked by your house today. My heart started to ache to see your smiling face. My ears longed to hear your laugh echoing in them. My fingers wanted to be tangled up in yours. You aren't here.

I heard your voicemail again today. It was the one you left me during spring break. Your voice warmed my soul and made me smile. I hadn't realized it was on my phone until it had asked me if I wanted to save or delete it. I saved it, because you aren't here.

I saw our good friend, Nathan, today. I was at that local fast food restaurant down the street from my school sitting in a booth with a group of girls who were around my age in our youth group. He was coming in with some boys his age. He talked to me for a little bit until his ice cream arrived. I smiled at that because I pictured you rolling your emerald eyes at him, saying he needs to get his priorities straight-girls over ice cream, hands down. Then you would make eye contact with me and say, "His loss, my gain." Then your fingers would intertwine with mine. My smile quickly faded though, because you weren't there to say or do that.

I heard you were feeling homesick from your mom today. Your family was over for dinner. I almost had a great time. But I missed you, because you weren't there.

I heard from that girl who has a huge crush on you today. She asked me where you have been. I smiled because I took pride in the fact that you told me and not the gorgeous brown haired, freckled skin girl who is seeking after your heart. I told her proudly that you were gone volunteering at boy scout camp states away. My pride dissolved quickly because you would have told me that I needed to let go of it. I did it in memory of you, because you weren't there to tell me that.

I found out I got the scholarship to go to that nationally recognized writing camp today. I was so excited. I almost dialed your number, but I then remembered you wouldn't get the call, even if I called. You won't find out the news until two weeks from now, because you are gone.

I prayed to God about you today. I asked him to bless you and take away your homesickness. I pleaded with him to not let you forget about me. I asked him to pass along the message of how much I like you and grateful for you as my best friend. I would tell you myself but,

You are gone.