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It's not that I don't mind the recent attention. I mean, I've never seen the myriad people appreciate a creature so formidable. That show "Fatal Attractions" comes to mind. You've heard of its evil, its degradation of people, and grim intentions, yet there's this lure like a moth to a flame. Back in the day my fangs were an anomaly . . . for the few who could actually process the sight of them before our meet was concluded. (I doubt you need further commentary.)
However, presently, I can smile wide in the center of a bustling crowd and receive, at the very least, three comments pertaining to the magnificence of my incisors. "Where did you get your teeth done? Are they caps or implants? Can I have your dentist's number?" It's nothing short of amazing, really. I can hide in plain sight. You see me, and yet you don't -- like a veneer. That's it, I'm like a vampire wearing a human veneer!
Nevertheless, no matter how intrigued I am by this newest craze, it really deducts from the vampire's livelihood. Take our nature of consumption for example. It's more like gathering food now than actual hunting. You get the same thrill picking grapes at a vineyard. The only reason you're sweating is because it's hot outside. No adrenaline, no competition, no stretching the old limbs in a chase. I just pan the room, pinpoint a nice, energetic looking lass, and ask to speak with her privately. Talk about an anticlimactic roller coaster arch. I can burn twice as many calories watching the grass grow.
So here I have a mixture of intrigue and boredom, not to mention anticipation for this horrible craze to die down. Not that I don't mind a little commercialism. Think back to the vampire scares in Europe. Now that was fun! Or watching the evolution of the vampire, etymology-wise. I went from the Ancient Egyptian "Hathor" to the Romanian "moroi". Then we have the subcategories and derivations like the dhampir, varcolac, and strigoi. Lamia, leech, ebu gogo, aswang, wendigo, tiyanak. Oh! I could name them all!
But no, these crazes, which repeat themselves throughout history in many different ways, always manage to limit a vampire's cultural heritage. "Culture? Heritage?" you say. What? You thought culture was reserved for humans? I beg to differ! Eating people is unique to my community (excluding the Carib people who have done much of the same) and thus we spin it into a discriminate characteristic. However, that seems to be the only characteristic of our kind that humans care to hear about. Even so, our mythology has been warped and twisted beyond recognition. Some heartthrob vamps in modern literature don't even abide by our ethics. Readers today! Just so long as you call it a vampire, there will be no objections!
So, like any grade A celebrity, I enjoy the attention. I am intrigued by the people who have an affinity for darkness whereas it is my inevitable nature, but I am also pestered by my portrayal in the media. The attention kills my congenital thirst for . . . erm . . . privacy, and the desire to enforce enculturation which is to stick to what comes naturally to me and pass this way of life on to my "children". And please, do hold on for I am going to veer off course to say this: I am not a romantic. Humans are a source of nutrition. Like you, I do not kiss the chicken before cooking it. Despite the exotic appeal of a supernatural entity and a human falling madly in love, that element is simply not encountered in the reality outside of books and movies.
In conclusion, I would like to say that if you see a strange little figure roaming the chat rooms of Whyville, be weary, for it may just be me, a vampire, Hecter Faa of the Egyptians. Fight the compulsion to interact with me because it will not end well (for you). While you're at it . . . find another creature to obsess over. Preferably a FICTIONAL creature this time. I enjoy the attention, I really do, but even I need a little beauty sleep.
Senebti! (Ancient Egyptian for "goodbye")
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