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From the very first day we talked, I knew you were going to be someone important to me. I didn't know how important though. I remember how my heart felt as I felt the vibrations of your voice through my ears. I remember feeling my heart beat so fast that hard, that I was sure you could hear it. My hands were shaky and I was afraid that my knees buckle, causing me to fall over. But, I felt calm at the same time. This feeling was new to me. The feeling of being deathly scared of making one wrong move, saying the wrong thing and being so happy that I felt I was walking on clouds, dancing over the earth.
Every time you look at me, my head starts to spin. I lose track of what I am going to say. My over-thinking mind stops thinking all together. My eyes meet yours from across the room. I watch your lips form that beautiful smile of yours, making your eyes sparkle like the stars in the navy sky. My heart skips a beat as my body, involuntarily, moves to be standing beside you. I feel my lips smile as I step closer and closer to your side.
You make me feel alive. You make me feel like I am special, that I mean something to you. I remember you looking for me, that one night. I watched your eyes skate across the room frantically and your body moving to get a better look. I remember seeing your face light up as your eyes met mine. My heart jumped three feet out of my chest as I watched you walking towards me. I smiled once I had heard your sweet, comforting voice.
My friends tell me that I should tell you all of this; how much you mean to me. I have said little things before, thanking you for your friendship, but you are shocked at the thanks and then brush it off. You don't believe me. You say you do, but I know you. I know that you are so humble, sometimes so much it drives me crazy, that you wouldn't believe that you mean something to someone. My heart yearns to take you by the hand and tell you everything that is locked deeply inside of my heart as I watch your eyes for a sign of belief. I would spend hours doing this, until you believe me. I would spend days telling you everything, but I am too scared.
Scared that you might leave me, thinking that we are too young to be caught in this. Caught in the arms of something more then just a friendship. I am terrified that maybe I am misreading you and you don't really care for me that way. I am terrified of this, because I would fall apart if I lost your friendship; lost your loving care. You would never understand how my life would turn rainy and grey if you ever walked out of my life. I would spend years, following your tall stature, trying to get you back wishing I had never let those honest words out of my mouth.
'I would tell you this but,' I think in my mind after you asked me what I was thinking. I almost did.
"Nevermind," was the word that came out of my mouth.
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