I vow, as a black belt to always conduct myself with the highest level of integrity. Approach others with the spirit of friendship. Respect all, including myself. And strive to be the best I can possibly be.
Four years ago, when I was ten years old I started taekwondo. Beginning as a white belt I had no idea what I had the ability to be, or what I would become. Not in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be black belt, it never even occurred to me.
There were a few times, well many times . . . actually pretty much half my training through taekwondo I hated. I desperately wanted to quit and give up. It was too hard, took too much effort and I didn't believe that strongly in myself and my abilities. Always, I had been a very not confident, unsocial type of person. I thought I had no friends in my training class and didn't have the confidence to make friends. A lot of the time it felt like I was always the one who made all the mistakes.
I had little to no self-control. Sparring to me was just a bunch of random kicks. The more kicks you did, despite how many times the person successful countered you it was win for you in my eyes. I was lacking in obedience and respect for both myself and others. I did not respect my parents, often took my friends for granted and abused my siblings.
Maybe I am over exaggerating there a bit but from my four years of taekwondo training I have made a massive improvement on myself. I have matured physically, emotionally and most important - mentally.
The mental aspect was the hardest for me. I have always been quite physically fit and it wasn't such a problem for me. But I've never really been that confident, I always doubted myself.
Breaking boards worked wonders for me. It made me so much more confident. The whole concept worked wonders for me. It doesn't have anything to do with physical strength; your power comes from your technique. You have to go right through the board and believe that you can do it for it to snap in half. I had lots of failures breaking boards. It was only when I had a positive attitude and absolutely confidence in myself that I broke the boards.
For my black belt grading I had to break six boards and a concrete tile. The boards I broke with kicks were thicker and were harder for me to break, but the ones I did with my hands snapped like crackers all on my first try.
Three months ago I didn't believe I could break the concrete tile. Building up the mental strength to believe that I could do it was the toughest thing for me. I had to erase every doubt from my mind, and imagine myself there at the grading, my hand going all the way through the tile to the floor. By no means am I strong or big. I am exactly 160 in centimeters which I believe is only 5'2 or 5'3 in feet. If that is the wrong measurement I'm sorry, but I am exactly average height for a fourteen year old girl.
The Grading: The grading was the most physically, mentally and emotionally challenging thing I have ever done. During the sparring I got hit by someone accidentally in the jaw. I was already exhausted and that combined with the pain of the blow made me start crying. Normally I don't go around crying in public but I couldn't help it. I cried and finally after getting a hold of myself got leg swept off my feet onto the ground by someone much bigger than me by accident, who was only aiming to merely push me away. The pain and the exhaustion brought my tears out again. I couldn't help it, I was perfectly fine, I thought I was, but I just couldn't stop crying.
The people were so encouraging. They told me to take it slow even when three people all came at me at once to spar. The sparring was a blur through my tears and lasted nearly an hour. I encountered all types of people, all different belt ranks, all with different levels of self-control and all with different strengths and weaknesses. I learned more about different ways I could defend myself if more than one person attacked me.
My patterns were almost polished to perfection. I performed them nearly the same as I had practiced alone, on the hill. Laying down after every practice on the grass and screaming at the top of my lunges "I . . . Am . . . Unstoppable!" paid off as well.
When it came time for my tile break I did not smash it on the first go, I didn't flinch but had hit the concrete with the wrong part of my fist and with the wrong technique. I heard a little boy say 'oh no' from the audience. I could feel the tears coming again.
I didn't let myself get discouraged though, I relaxed myself and breathed in and out. I raised my fist as high above my head as possible, let out as loud a scream as possible and directed all of my energy to the ground, below the concrete.
I didn't even have time to watch it smash as I fell immediately back with the pain. Someone came over and handed me an ice pack. I moved away from the shattered concrete remains and sat back to watch my fellow trainees. All I could do was sit there, sobbing as I watch them, willing for their hands to smash the concrete.
It was then I noticed the whole audience looked like they were watching some very, very emotional, dramatic, devastating Shakespeare drama. I saw some of my fellow trainees going for black belt or above break their concrete, double or triple concrete slabs first time, others with a few more tries. One of them put their head in their hands and screamed.
I have emotional, physical and mental scars from that grading. My fist is swollen and sore from not breaking the concrete slab the first time. There's a scratch on my wrist from one of my board breakings. My right foot hurts from the board breaking as well. My legs are tired and ache. I have a headache from crying so hard the night before. I am not fearless, but I feel like nothing will ever compare, like nothing will ever scare me as much as it did before.
And I sit here, nursing my injuries - proud. And I encourage you, whoever you are to go through with whatever you do and never give up. Strive for the best you can be, and once you reach it go beyond that. With a positive attitude you can achieve more than you thought was possible. This is not the end, but only the beginning of my journey through martial arts.
Four years ago I would have never believed I could break concrete. And one day, four years after that, I did. It took me a long time of training hard, pushing myself, building up my confidence and abilities. But in the end, I did it. And so can you.
Author's Note: I am a first Poom, which is a 'junior black belt'. It looks just like a normal black belt, with my full name written in shiny letters on it but a first Dan is a full adult black belt, which you need to be over 16 to get. I did the same grading and did everything that I would have done to get first Dan though, with people a lot older and bigger than me, which makes me even more incredibly proud.
