I hadn't seen you in three months. I thought maybe a little time would help. Not that I willingly avoided you. You went to college. Well, I thought you did anyway.
No. Time didn't help. Those mere three months were not enough to squelch the feelings that had blossomed over three years. I was stupid to think it could.
Sure, I thought about you less often. At least I thought I did. But when I did think of you, it felt terrible because I realized that more than likely, I had missed my chance at something so very important to me. And other times, it felt terrible because I kept picturing you with her. Happy with her. Loving her. (Though I could never bring myself to think you were in love with her).
When I saw your motorcycle in the parking lot, my heart sped. Everything mattered again. I felt like I had a reason to be there again. I felt like I was about to get something back that I had lost forever. I felt excited. I felt happy that I'd straightened my hair that day and I registered the fact that you'd actually see that I'd cut it. I felt upset that my hormones decided to give me the biggest zit of my life!
And when I finally saw you, cried your name, charged at you, and hugged you, I felt like the world was back to normal again. Like you were never gone. Because since you "left," school felt empty. Practice felt empty.
I wish our hug had lasted longer. I wish you had lingered at my hair just a bit more when you noticed my haircut.
But all that was made up for on Thursday when you went back to horse-playing and hugging me tight and even kissing me on the head and saying things your girlfriend may not have approved of entirely.
No matter how wrong I thought it might have been, I relished it and tried with all my might not to blush. And no matter how much I wanted it to mean something, I think I knew, deep down, it didn't mean any more to you than when you hugged your sister. And it probably never will. Because you have already someone and if you didn't like her, she wouldn't be your first official girlfriend.
I'm not going to lie. When I head you two were still together, I wasn't happy. I know it's wrong but I wanted you to say things like "We're not together anymore" or "We're just friends." I should suck it up and get over it cause you're happy with her and not me that's just how it is.
At least she makes you happy. If she didn't I might have a serious problem with the situation. But she's a good person (hopefully my best friend is wrong about those Tweets). And pretty.
I know I'm no competition. I know that if we ever had anything going (which I'm very sure now that we almost did) that it's gone now. No matter the way you treat me now that you've made your epic little return.
I wish you hadn't come back. I wish you'd let me keep missing you and being mad at you and wanting you back so badly. Then maybe my feelings for you would fade away and leave me the hell alone and I could consider some other sweet guys that I might actually have a chance with but that I don't go for because I'm still hung up on you.
I want you to stay. I do. But I also wish you would just go away.
~fairypup2
