Author's Note: To anyone who has read my series "Diary of a Broken Heart", this is addressed to that same person.
Dear, _____
Why are you doing this to me? I was just fine before you said anything. Or, at least, fine with pretending to be fine. I didn't need you to say anything . . . and yet I did. I still miss you. But I shouldn't. I should be laughing at the fact that you want me back. But I'm not. I cry instead because I want you back too, but I can't have you. I just can't . . .
You make it so hard to say no. Reminding me of all our good times together. Those seem to be the only memories I seem to remember. Or choose to remember. I try to block out the bad memories . . . sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It doesn't really matter though, the good of my memories will always conquer the bad when it's concerning you. It's impossible to not love you . . . but sometimes I wish it wasn't.
Did you even really love me? I was so sure of it just yesterday. But now . . . I just don't know. I shouldn't have reread our texts from over a week ago. I just felt so lonely and sad . . . I didn't have anyone to talk to and I certainly couldn't just go and talk to you. So I just reread our texts from the last time we talked. And at that time when we were texting, I didn't quite understand what you were saying in one of the texts. I just dismissed it, but now I know. Now that I've reread it, I understand. I only wish I didn't . . .
So that's why you left me? I don't really know what to say to that. It seems just so . . . shallow . . .? No . . . that's not the word for it. It's worse than shallow . . . but without actually being shallow. It's the kind of thing that makes me wonder if you really loved me or not. How could you leave me over something like that if you truly loved me? Or just simply liked me? I don't see how. I don't see why. I don't know why you even want me back if that was the reason you broke up with me.
I'm still the same person. You say you won't feel like that again, but how can you tell me that? How can you tell me such a lie when nothing has changed? You'll feel the same, and you'll leave again. Why do you even want me in the first place? What's so special about me that you can't find else where? Do you think you won't find someone else to love you? Because you will. You'll find someone that'll love you just as much as I do. Maybe more. It breaks my heart, but I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that you won't find someone else. Because you will.
I wish we could have stayed together together, though. I really do. You were my best friend. The greatest best friend I had ever had. Possibly the greatest I ever will have . . .
I want you back, but there are so many things I must know before I could ever even consider it. But I'm afraid those things will just make me have to choose to not take you back . . . but there's not much I can do about it. Especially if you won't do anything to help. This is so difficult for me, having all these feelings for you. I haven't gone a day without thinking about you since we met. And I will think about you every day forward.
You mean so much to me, and that is why you won't be reading this. Everyone else except you will read it, and that's the way it needs to be. You can't know how much I love you, mainly because I know you could never feel the same intensity of it towards me as I do to you. You will never really know just as I will never really be yours. Now I must say goodbye to my love that was never really mine . . .
