School is very important in my life. I am very academic and do well in all subjects. The thing is, I get jealous of anyone that does better than me. Especially in English. I can't take it if someone gets a higher mark in an assessment; I'm too used to coming top.
At the moment, I'm focusing on writing my own novel for children. I want to be a well-known author and I know that I'll only get there if I make it happen. I have determination and I'm strong-willed - I won't let nobody stand in my way.
Having a book published as an eBook won't do. I want my book to be printed in black and white on paper. I want to go into a shop and see my name on a book. I want to sign my books for other people and see genuine appreciation on their faces. I want to be recognized.
When I didn't win a massive writing competition, I broke down. I had a tantrum. I am disgusted with the way I behaved - I'm not a stupid little girl anymore. I have to learn to deal with these things. There's always going to be someone better than me. I remind myself this, mainly to put me in my place.
Being exceptionally bright is not always a blessing; there are more important things in life than being top of the class. Things like friendship, kindness, generosity. I have none of these virtues.
Sometimes, I try to regain friends. I never say or do the right things. I've been seen as the "weird girl" right from the very start. Nobody takes me seriously. In many places, there are great scars in friendships. Once, I sent a text message from my friend's phone saying that her friend was a "loser". I signed it by her brother. I was a different person two years ago.
Memories that resurface as I write this make me feel sick. I was a horrible person to know when I was ten. I lied about a lot, tried to make myself look good and swore to be "hard".
I've tried to put things right, tried to heal the injuries I've inflicted on other people when I was younger. I'm still trying. Still trying to be a better person. Wish me luck!
