Dear Friends,
I apologize for all the pain I have caused each one of you. I tell myself each night how terrible of a person I am for letting my own demons enter into each of your lives. I always wonder how in the world I let them control the person I am. The real me is not like this. The real me is hiding from the devils that have taken over my home base.
Marissa, you and I have gotten somewhat closer over the course of this year. I love your bright and hilarious personality. I admire your love and protective nature that you have for those who are closest to you. I am sorry that I couldn't stop myself from denying your protection.
Chelsea, you are someone who I can always joke around with. We both can be so sarcastic with each other; it is so lovely. We were never close friends, but we always have been friends. I love how happy you always are. You were someone I knew I could always get a smile from. Your smiles fought off my demons for a small moment. And that, my friend, I am forever grateful for.
Julia, you are so awesome. I love how wonderful you are at anything you do. I look up to your, "I can do it" attitude. You are gifted in every way of expression. I have loved hearing you sing and play the piano. I love your drawings and doodles. Our artistic and musical talent has caused my demons to become mute anytime my ears or eyes come across your creations.
Minomi, you and I are more friends by default. I think we have started off our friendship rough and from there it has been a roller coaster of awkwardness and trying to develop that friendship. I am so amazed by your ability to memorize facts and to speak Japanese fluently. I think you are one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. Your sweetness gives me hope. Hope that I have cherished.
Megan, you and I have been buddies since our first year in middle school and I am so grateful we have stayed friends. I am glad we can talk orchestra terms together! I admire your strong talent in playing the cello. You were blessed with it and I hope you never forget that blessing. Your loyalty to me and your talent has made my life a brighter place.
Isaac, I can't believe how fast our friendship had developed. We had no idea who each other was beginning of freshmen year, but by the end we were close. I admire your strength to stick to what you feel is right. I am grateful that you trust me enough to confide your deepest secrets to me. But I am deathly sorry that I couldn't help you battle off your own demons while mine was tearing my soul into a scattered, unfixable mess. I see you changing and it gives me the inspiration to battle mine.
Nathan, it is weird to think that we wanted nothing to do with each other all through elementary and middle school and now we consider each other really good friends. I think you are one of the ones who I hurt the most, because of how close we have gotten and how often I see you. Everyday at school, at church and sometimes on the weekends hanging out with both you and our other friends. I am really sorry for the way I have been. I am sorry that my demons got the best of me. I admire your strength in getting through hard times and that very strength causes me to go on.
Lindsey, out of all our mutual friends, you are the one I think that knows me the most and the one that I have caused the most grief. We have known each other since elementary school and have watch other go through our ups and downs. I know I can always count on you being there for me. I am sorry of all the secrets I have kept from you about my behaviors. I knew you couldn't bear to hear the stories about me and my demons. I hope someday you will understand why there was always some kind of wall between me and you. Granted, the wall was paper thin, but it was still a barrier in our long lasting friendship. I admire your bubbly and happy personality. You can always make my day better and you chase off my demons for me.
Matt, out of all my friends you have been the one I consider my best friend for the past few years. You know me and my demons. I never meant for it to turn out that way, but I guess Life had other plans. I think you were the one I hurt the most. All the nights you stayed up late with me because I was so scared to fall asleep in case my soul decided to leave my body that night. All the times you would comfort me with your words. I can never repay you for all that you have done for me. I admire how strong you are. I could never bear what you have been through in your short span of life walking upon this Earth. I wish there was a way I could take all the pain I have given you in any way and put it upon myself. I never meant for you to find out about my demons and that has given you so much grief. I wish there was a way that you never had me on your mind. I thank you for your kind words and friendship. I hope that, someday, I can repay you for all that you have done. I love your contagious smile and caring soul. Thank you.
I wish there was a way I could tell you all these things in person. I wish there was a way that I could take any pain caused by me away. I am so sorry for letting my demons gain control over me and hiding the real me, making me a silent ghost with a barely beating human heart.
Forgive me.
Your friend
