We were best friends.
We could tell each other everything, we hung out together. There was nothing apart from us. We had known each other since kindergarten, and I had been confident we'd last.
But now I'm not so sure.
It started when She started talking to us. I had known Her since 1st grade.
Or at least I thought I did.
Everything has changed since we entered a new grade. I feel I am no longer your best friend, but a standby who is allowed to stay in the group because you have known me for so long. You think of me as funny and smart.
Or maybe you used to.
Now my heart sinks when I see you run to catch up to Her, when you break away from me to tell Her something. It's like we no longer have our connection. It's like I lost a part of me.
I am unsure of our friendship. You still laugh and talk with me, but no more than you do with her. I nearly lost it when you said, "I wish She was here." I nearly lost it when you ran away from me to talk to Her. I nearly lost it when She made fun of me and you didn't do anything. It hurt most when you walked away from me that first day. I locked myself in a bathroom stall and tried not to cry.
I worry every night for the next day now.
Every time I wish that She would leave our group, She would stay away. Every time I wish everything would be normal again, the way it used to be. And some days are good, some days I'm included.
Some days, the pain takes hold.
I don't know what actions to take.
The tears want to come every time I feel that now familiar pain in my stomach, but I can't will them to just let go. I can't bring myself to let go of the sorrow. Sometimes I just cry a few tears in bed, but I cannot do anything else.
You're slipping away. I don't know what I'll do without you.
I'm losing you.
