Numb

I'm numb. I'm not going to say "but", because that's all there is too it. I'm numb. There's no preamble to it. No, "but, I'm fine." or "I'm just going through a phase". I'm just plain numb.

Being numb doesn't mean I'm cold. It means I don't feel anything. I can't feel anything. No emotions, no thoughts. I try to act happy, even though my friends and family know it's fake. I can't say "I'm fine" even though I say it when asked if I'm okay. No! I'm not okay! Can't you see I'm not?

Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone that REALLY knew me. Knew how I thought, knew how I act. No one I know understands me like that. Please, someone, can you name ONE person who knows what you are thinking, all the time. Know when to say "That's enough" or "Better not say that in front of her". I don't. Can't you see that I need to talk? Don't just blow it off! I act this way so someone will notice that I need to talk.

I was told I was a happy baby. I always smiled and giggled. But now? Now, all I can do is try to go through the day wothout crying. I'm not happy! I'm numb. I'm just plain numb.