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It happened at night, so maybe that's why I find myself thinking so strongly of it now. When the sun fades away and my world becomes blanketed in darkness, so does my mind. That role I've been playing, those thoughts I've been shielding, that lie I struggle to uphold all goes down with the sun. It's as if everything wrong in my life hits me now, at night, because I have nothing bright surrounding me. I'm alone and my subconscious uses this opportunity to critique everything I've done wrong.
There's no point in finding distractions; they never work. It's as if I'm broken in the hours of dusk; my brain stuck on a repeat of events I never wanted to occur. I can't move on because I'm shell shocked by it all. It couldn't have happened, so I play it off as if it didn't. But at night there is no pretending.
Truth is always hard to face, and sometimes even harder to find. But clarity and acceptance are even harder than all of that. I don't understand why it's so hard to forget the one thing in life I never wanted to remember. I don't know why my mind insists on torturing me this way!
Maybe it's because I have a lot more to view on this situation that I haven't already. Or maybe - just maybe - it's because it's now night, and I never truly left that bedroom to begin with. I'm still stuck; I need the sun to rise and the door to unlock.
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