they say what you see as a child shapes who you are when you grow
and who you know as an adult will lead you to where you work
and where you go will answer the "whys" in your mind
and i wonder why the crucial 5 W's were never taught
in a school of life where we learn how to make who we are
instead we made animals out of clay
sculpting bits and fragments out of a brick to find
maybe a fleeting image of a barn animal
no, instead you're left with a pat on the butt
each year, being told "this is when your life starts!"
but it's not after primary, and it's not after higher school
in fact, post secondary left me feeling as small as ever
i used to be big, you know?
each milestone of school or life or tragedy
opened up a new chinese nesting doll of the person i was
and each step left me wondering
how much of the poorly cut and painted wood figurine of me there would be left
and, to be honest
i feel like i've reached it
the smallest part
the tiny doll that could not
there's a little bit of power in that, though
the smallest doll does not open
it does not compromise
it just is
and i wonder if this is how "adults" feel
after being divided
and after being scarred by rights of passage in this system of
"higher learning"
i wonder if this is it
if this what years of being told i am "bright, but distracted"
have earned me
being brought into an education system that told me i was "special",
and not the good kind,
because i couldn't spell "house" as quickly as the other children could
as if they knew that each time the spanish syntax was slipping off my tongue
i wonder if, after that,
the five W's ever really mattered
