Bigfoot Bill

Times Writer & City Worker

Hey hey, my delicious home-chitlins! What? You don't know what chitlins is? Well, you should go now and get yourself a plate at your local Southern homestyle cookin' place... or you may be able to discover them here in Whyville, when we let loose with the much-advertised nutrition activity, coming to a palate near you!

Since there have been so many questions and quandaries circulating about town about Nutrition, City Hall told me to send a status report to y'all. So here we go -- the whys and wherefores of Whyville food:

1. What is this "Nutrition"?

   Citizens have long asked for the ability to eat their favorite foods in Whyville. Also, the hangout highest in demand -- after the beach, of course -- has been a restaurant or fast food joint. This being Whyville, of course, we decided we'd rather come up with an activity a little more meaningful than "hanging out at the diner".

   Figuring out how to keep our bodies healthy -- and why food works the way it does -- is a challenge that everyone faces in the real world. We obsess about diets, about vitamin pills and workouts. Well, the Nutrition activity (no cool name yet!) will bring the basics of eating to Whyville. You will buy what you want to eat each week, then check your health meter to see how you're doing -- and your face will show it!

2. How will it work?

   Using data from the US Department of Agriculture, Whyville has constructed a series of algorithms for your Whyville health. Each week, if you eat a balanced diet of calories, fats, carbs, protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals, you'll earn a Nutrition bonus. If you eat way too much (or not enough) of a particular item, you'll discover that you've developed a serious disorder: for example, if you don't get enough calcium in real life, your bones will get weak. In Whyville, these disorders happen a lot faster, so don't be surprised to find you have scurvy, scoliosis, and obesity in the first month!

   As time goes by, your fellow citizens will develop their "perfect" diets, and you'll be able to purchase them in packages. We expect find this will work a lot like Akbar's Face Factory and Mall. Good diet designers will be able to earn some serious clammage!

3. Who gets to play?

   Just like how nutrition affect us all in real life, it will affect everyone in Whyville. Think of it like the good Why-Pox. The ever-generous Grandma will give new citizens a basic picnic basket, and she's making plans to open a soup kitchen if it's needed, but City Hall and I have faith that y'all will be able to figure it all out without needing any free lunches! (Actually, I have a small clam bet going with a buddy of mine about this -- so make me proud, folks!)

4. Will there be a restaurant?

   Naturally! At the Whyville Food Court, you'll find a fast food place, a grocery store, a meal plan place, and Whyville's very own professional nutritionist -- and, eventually, we'll also open a salad bar and a make-it-yourself juice and smoothie stand. (Tres cool, hehe... and that's just the nutritionist... ;-)

5. When will we be able to play???

   As you can probably guess, this whole thing is REALLY complicated! We've been planning it since the summer, and we hope to be able to bring it to you all in the new year.

   First, City Workers will "playtest" Nutrition. If I don't figure things out myself, you may notice some of the negative affects on my face very soon! We also have to figure out the basics -- like how much food will cost, how much the Nutrition bonus will be, and how long you have to be in bad health before your face starts to show the strain. We are all looking forward to getting this out to you ASAP!! :-)

P.S. If you have a cool idea about what the name of the "nutrition" activity should be, let us know at city-management@whyville.net, okay?