Writer's Workshop This Saturday

(Note from MediaWiz, host of Writers Workshop)

MediaWiz's Note: We have decided to put up Angel1170's revised story -- plus the original version for comparison -- to be discussed in the Writer's Workshop this Saturday at 1:30 p.m. Whyville Time. We got a lot of comments, mostly favorable, about the first version of the story. We also got comments about the punctuation, mostly negative. But the Writer tells us that she did certain things on purpose. As she put it, she was waging a "war" with punctuation. Because she was following her own rules in this war, and sticking to them rather than following no certain pattern, we decided not to pressure her to re-write her story "correctly". We are taking a chance that some of you will criticize us for letting her get away with that. We might also get criticism for presenting a bad example of writing. But some Whyvillians will like it too much and try to copy the style -- badly. That's ok if you're going to think seriously about such a style before you write your story. You won't be the first person ever to write this way. Gertrude Stein, Virginia Wolfe and the poet e.e. cummings (he's famous for writing his name that way, as sell as his poems) were famous for modifying the rules of grammar and punctuation artistically. Cummings is the easiest to get to know, I think. Here's some information about him from the official website of the Academy of American Poets (http://www.poets.org/poets/poets.cfm?45442B7C000C07000E). "In his work, Cummings experimented radically with form, punctuation, spelling and syntax, abandoning traditional techniques and structures to create a new, highly idiosyncratic means of poetic expression. Nevertheless, he attained great popularity, especially among young readers, for the simplicity of his language, (and) his playful mode. At the time of his death in 1962, he was the second most widely read poet in the United States, after Robert Frost." If you log onto that site and read his poem entitled "somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond," (at http://www.poets.org/poems/poems.cfm?45442B7C000C0704017) you'll see that he handles ideas and style rather as Angel1107 does.

(Editor's Note: While we at the Times appreciate experimentation, keep in mind that the better your grammar and spelling, the better your chances are of getting published in the Times, with few exceptions.)

So, here's the revised story, tentatively entitled "Past Girl And Future Boy", by angel1170.

"I must tell them my story", said Melanie Shal of 1792. Then two nurses walk into the asylum room. "Act normal girl, we want you out of this place ASAP", says one of the nurses. "I heard", whispers the other nurse, "that she claimed to have gone to the future when she had witnesses that said she never left". "That???s pretty strange you have to admit" "Oh well lets leave the girl to herself". Then the nurses left Melanie alone without a so long. "I really must tell them my story" says Melanie pulling out a quill and parchment "well", she wrote, "it really all began one quiet evening at my house. I had been in my living room thinking about how it is custom for girls of 14 years to get married. Well this frightened me very much on the account of me being of 13years of age. My betrothed had recently been put in jail, and I was terribly scared of who would actually be my new one. Then suddenly there was a bang coming my kitchen. I went to go see and there standing on my table was a boy dressed in very strange clothes indeed. He said to me, "This can???t be the space station can it?" Then I polity asked what on earth a space station was and who on earth he was. He said "Sorry but my names Luke, and you are? Oh yeah sorry the space station don???t u know? What time period are you in? 1802?" "Not exactly" I said, "only 1792". "Wow I knew I set the date in the time traveler wrong. It sent me here instead of my time when there is a space station. Oh yeah sorry again a space station is like a home in space, understand?" I nodded "so where did ya get your jewelry? Is it all really hand made? The girls would die for that stuff today" "I made it because I???m the town jewelry maker. I pick out the gems, and then I get the goldsmith to make it from my plans. And yes, they???re all hand made". "Huh? You all don't have Tiffany's yet? That's weird. They started about 150 years ago, so I guess that's a tad bit after the 1700's." "What year are you from future boy?" "I???m from year 2660, and it rocks in the future". "Oh did I not ask you your name past girl?" "No", I said, "and I???m no girl I???m a woman. My name is Melanie Shal". "Well Melanie would you like to visit the future?" "Well???. Ok", I said. We went to the warp wagon and he set it to the year 2660. "Whoa!!!! This is fun I laughed as I hugged Luke's arm with a little bit of natural human fear. Luke turned around and said "Are you kidding? It makes me sick in the stomach!" We reached our destination point and came to a halting stop. "Well you can???t have a name like Melanie here in the future so let???s call you Melisa". Well Melisa is a nice name I guess. "Here", he said," try these on for size". He handed me the tightest clothes I had ever seen in my life. "Your hair is ok but we had to change those clothes". I changed into the clothes and then we went cruising around Whyville.

"The people here are so nice!", I exclaimed with a huge smile. "Why of course we are. There???s no more war or violence on earth. It???s all peaceful". Then he decided "Let???s go to the space station Mel. We went inside the Station and suddenly I was being pulled away from 2660 and into 1792. "Luke!!" I cried out. "Melisa!" he called back. And then complete silence. I was back in the living room of my house at exactly 10:00, the time that I had left. "That is so strange" I thought. The next morning I went to the neighbors??? house and told them my story. Can you guess what they did? They turned me in for insanity. Here I am writing my story in the asylum hoping for it to be read." Melanie stopped writing for a second when a nurse came barging in. "Stop that scribbling! The doctors would most likely think you were mad from that!" the nurse grabbed the story and threw it into the fire place (I groaned). "There enough of that!" she said," you have a visitor Melisa...oops, wrong name Miss Melanie. Sorry!" "No wait!", I said, Grabbing the nurse's waist in desperation. "I will take the message!......" Now I bet you know the ending of this story right? Well let's just say that in 1792 there was a report that a certain Miss Melanie Shall was reported missing, and now there is a certain Miss Melisa Shall that resembles her highly??????interesting???.

Original Version

"I must tell them my story", said Melanie Shal of Whyville in 1792. Then two nurses walk into the asylum room. "Act normal girl, we want you out of this place ASAP", says one of the nurses. "I heard", whispers the other nurse, "that she claimed to have gone to the future when she had witnesses that said she never left". "that???s pretty strange you have to admit" Oh well lets leave the girl to herself". Then the nurses left Melanie alone without a so long. "I really must tell them my story" says Melanie pulling out a quill and parchment "well", she wrote, "it really all began one quiet evening at my house". I had been in my Whyville house room 1 thinking about how it is custom for Whyville girls of 11 months get married. Well this frightened me very much on the account of me being of 10 months. My bf, Sherlock7 and I were to be engaged yet he was banished. Then suddenly there was a bang coming from room 3, my kitchen. I went to go see and there standing on my table was a boy dressed in very strange clothes indeed. He said to me, "This can???t be the space station can it? Then I polity asked what on earth a space station was and who on earth he was. He said "Sorry but my names Luke, and you are? Oh yeah sorry the space station don???t u know? What time period are you in? 1802?" "Not exactly" I said, "only 1792". "Wow I knew I set the date in the warp wagon wrong. It sent me here instead of my time when there is a space station. Oh yeah sorry again a space station is like a home in space, understand?" I nodded "so where did ya get your face parts? The girls would die for that stuff today" "I made it because I???m the town face maker. They???re all hand made". "Huh? Only 1 face maker? Strange." What year are you from future boy? "I???m from year 2660, and it rocks in the future". "Oh did I not ask you your name past girl?" "No", I said, "and I???m no girl I???m a woman. My name is Melanie Shal". "Well Melanie would you like to visit the future?" Well ok I said. We went to the warp wagon and he set it to the year 2660. Whoa!!!! This is fun I said. Luke turned around and said "Are you kidding? It makes me sick in the stomach!" We reached our destination point and came to a halting stop. "Well you can???t have a name like Melanie here in the future so let???s call you Melisa". Well Melisa is a nice name I guess. "Here", he said," try these on for size". He handed me the tightest clothes I had ever seen in my life. "Your face is ok but we had to change those clothes". I changed into the clothes and then we went cruising around Whyville.

The people here are so nice. I said. "Why of course we are. There???s no more war or violence on earth. It???s all peaceful". Then he decided "Let???s go to the space station Mel. We went inside the Station and suddenly I was being pulled away from 2660 and into 1792. "Luke!!" I cried out. "Melisa!" he called back. And then complete silence. I was back in room 1 of my house at exactly 10:00, the time that I had left. That is so strange I thought. The next morning I went to the neighbors??? house and told them my story. Can you guess what they did? They turned me in for insanity. Here I am writing my story in the asylum hoping for it to be read. Melanie stopped writing for a second when a nurse came barging in. "Stop that scribbling! The doctors would most likely think you were mad from that!" the nurse said as she grabbed the story and threw it into the fire place (I groaned). "There enough of that!" she said," you have a visitor Melisa...oops, wrong name Miss Melanie. Sorry!" No wait! I said, I will take the message!...... Now I bet you know the ending of this story right? Well lets just say I???m the soon to be Mrs. Luke Arrow.