I felt sick all the time, and therefore didn't eat. Naturally, I lost a lot of weight. One day, I went into the orthopaedist for a broken arm, and he took my mom outside, telling her to get me to a specialist immediately. My weight was below 60 pounds. At 4 foot, 10 inches, that put my BMI (body mass index) at around 12. Healthy is 18.

After a long course of therapy, I seemed to be "cured." Four years later, my mom had no idea that I had begun my restriction again. I panicked as my weight climbed up to 105. Now, at 5 foot 4 inches, I had reached a healthy BMI of 18, but I didn't feel healthy.

In a couple weeks, I brought myself down to 97. My mom soon became aware of my habits, though, and took me to another specialist. This time, he was the head of an eating disorder program in a hospital. He told me I had up to two months to gain weight, or it was the hospital. That was three weeks ago.

Since then, I have been seeing a therapist. Since then, I have increased my food intake. Since then, I have lost 3 more pounds. So basically, I have until next Friday. If I have lost weight again, into the hospital I go.

My Friend's Story
Obviously, I do not know the intricate details of my very good friend's story. But here is what I know. When we began the school year, my friend was gorgeous, and she still is. And I mean really beautiful. She is also a ballerina (ballerinas, gymnasts, long-distance runners and figure skaters are especially prone to eating disorders, because of all the pressure to make their bodies fit exact types).

Since I am a figure skater, my friend once asked me if we had the same need to be tiny as dancers. I told her that yes, we do, but not quite as severe. When I met her, I think she was about 130 lbs, but I don't know for sure. This put her BMI at about 21, which is very healthy. Over the next few months, I watched her grow tinier and tinier. Then, she disappeared from school.

The last week and a half before winter break she just did not come. I found out that she was rehearsing for ballet all that time. Then, she did not come back after break, either. I called her, and she said she was going through some hard stuff, but that she'd be back soon.

When I saw her next, I gave her a giant hug, suspecting what she had been going through. The next day she confirmed my fears, and my hopes. Things seemed to be getting better for her, she said.

Sometime later, my mom told me after a soccer game that my friend was in the hospital. The doctors were planning on putting her in a program where she stays there in the day and goes home at night.

On the way to the hospital, my friend blacked out in the car. Her heart rate was 48. She was admitted that day at 96 pounds, with a BMI of 15.5.


People always wonder why we do it. We can't help it. Some people can diet "healthily," even though many, many diets are dangerous, especially without supervision from a good doctor.

Other people, like my friend and I, cannot diet safely. We get sucked in. We spend our days counting and recounting our calories, and our nights trying to burn them off. There are even people who embrace eating disorders. They have websites devoted to anorexia and bulimia.

If your friend has an eating disorder
What do you do when you realize that a close friend is suffering from an eating disorder? Most people will say, "Talk to an adult," "Talk to your friend," "Tell their parents."

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if they are a "hard-core" anorexic or bulimic, there's not much that you can do, in my opinion. Of course, talk to their parents or another adult you trust. Just don't expect them to come to school (the rink, the dance studio etc.) the next day eating healthy. We cling to our disorders. We feel we need them.

Now that my mom is feeding me more, I feel the need to develop ways to eat less. As our bodies shrink, our need for our disorders grow.

I just wanted to get out some stories of real-life anorexics. I hope they will make people more understanding. Nothing irritates me more than people telling me that I should "just eat more." It simply doesn't work like that. Unfortunate, but true.

So please, don't think telling someone the consequences of a disease will "change their mind" about having it. Would you tell someone with cancer to stop making cancer cells? No. Then don't demand that an anorexic eat more.

Just like a cancer victim needs radiation and chemotherapy, an eating disorder patient needs therapy and love.

Love you to the bones :)
Wiicked