It would seem more and more kids on Whyville suffer from this teen angst business. And that's perfectly normal. I mean, for three years I wallowed in self pity and questions nobody could answer. Before, I managed to connect with others out there who felt like I did. But as time progressed I began to feel they didn't "really" know what it was like, and I questioned everyone's motives and everything around me. I wrote poetry and painted pictures of how I felt inside and how the world looked to me. Drab, dreary, and bleak. I stopped wearing color, I stopped hanging out with my old friends, I stopped talking to the poeple around me. I found myself hating everything. I guess, I was jaded and cynical, not to say I am not still, but today, I think I have grown.

I stopped writing for the Times, as many people will have noticed. Actually that's the point of this article. To explain where I went and why, becuase I think, a lot of other kids here are headed down that path. I know, back in the day, Giggler01 and I were practically partners in crime. We both felt the same way and acted the same, and, after living like that for three years, I wish I could instill in someone's mind not to do that.

The old Times Editor was my friend. I didn't see it at the time, but he really helped me get over a lot of junk. For this I thank him, and I apologize for my outlashes and rudeness. I cried when he left. Honestly. But, after a couple of monthes or mourning and hating Whyville for changing and hating him for deserting us, I got over it. I miss him, but I'm sure this new guy is just as good and he deserves a chance.

Change sucks. I know. But don't let it rule your life. It's okay to be put off, and sad, but eventually, you either have to take a stand and get what you want, or accept it as it is, and move on. Hard advice to take, and hard for me to say, knowing I never listened to it. I think the hardest part of growing up is taking advice that you know deep down is right, but for some reason you hold on and can't let go.

I know that these next few tips will sound foolish, but they were the start of a beautiful end to the pain I let myself live in.

First, stand up straight. Face the world straight on with your head up and back straight. Walk with a purpose. It's funny how soon you develop tunnel vision and you no longer hear or see the sneers and snickering to your left and right in the hallway. Sit at the front of the classroom off to one side. I know that it doesn't feel safe, you can't see everyone, but with them behind you, it's easier to feel confident, answer questions and take part in classroom discussions. I found it felt like I was one on one with the teacher in that classroom and my marks improved tremendously. Don't avoid lunch completely. The cafeteria is a very intimidating place but if you can cross that room just once standing tall, you never again feel the stares on your back. No, I lied. You do, you still will feel nervous going through the doors, but you start to stop caring. Remember your friends. Even if you don't think you have any, there is at least one person out there who loves you and is not in your immediate family.

It is becuase of one single person that I am here to write this to you today. I won't lie, I attempted suicide. Four times, each one closer than the last until it came to the fourth one. The last time was this past January. Half and bottle of vodka and an almost full bottle of tylenol twos, and it's a lucky thing I woke up the next day. I woke up in a right mess and it was just. I looked at the clock, I had been asleep for 15 hours. I cried. I was so fustrated and disappointed. I got up and got cleaned up. Not long after my mother came upstairs (she wasn't aware I was even home) and said, "Jax is here to see you, why aren't you at school?" I didn't answer, but I was in shock that he would come to my house, he never cared it seemed. He was on my sofa, crying. We embarced and he just, poured his heart out to me. He thought I was dead. He thought he had sent my mother up to find my sleeping body in my bed. I don't know if my parents know about that. I know they know about the second time, but we don't talk about things like that in this family and I think that's half the problem. It is hard not feeling like we can talk to adults about problems. Look out for adults you trust, and go with that feeling. It might jsut save your life.

Whyville is full of beautiful, wonderful, creative people, who I am willing to bet a lot of which are the awkward angsty teen types. And that's fine. Just don't let it bring you down all the time. Believe in yourself and other people will follow. And by then, you're going to realize you don't need their acceptance. You are your own person, you make things happen for you.

This is BabyPowdr, saying I think I am finally back.
xoxo