Well, I never. . .!
That's what Whyville's very own Grandma Gertrude said when she discovered her donations box was not only light, but empty!
Bigfoot: This is Bigfoot Bill, coming to you with the breaking story of the Disappearing Donations!!!
Grandma: Now, William, there's no call to get all grandiose like that. Nothing's disappeared, you silly boy.
Bigfoot: But Grandma, didn't you say that your donations box is empty!??
Grandma: Well, of course I did, you goofball, you just heard me say it. But like I said, nothing's disappeared. . . well, nothing except the heart and soul of Whyville.
Bigfoot: Good grief! What do you mean by that, Grandma?
Grandma: I mean that I'm out of donations because no-one is donating anymore -- Whyvillians have lost their sense of giving. What's next? Mudball fights in City Hall? I tell you, these whippersnappers have got no respect -- some of them actually curse at me when I can't give them what they want. Can you believe that?
Bigfoot: That's terrible, Grandma! Do you think our youngest citizens don't yet understand that it's not up to you what they get -- it's up to the donations from our loyal and generous veterans?
Grandma: Pah! Generous? I haven't had a donation in days, William! I tell you, it makes an old woman want to sit down and cry. . . do you think they've just forgotten about me? No, no, they know I'm here, they're always coming in and demanding the latest fashions -?? can you believe that, they want to be hip and groovy for free! Ah, no, they're all just greedy, selfish little brats. I should just give up and move away. That'd teach 'em!!
Bigfoot: Well, now, Grandma, don't you think there might be other reasons for these troubles? Maybe the Whyville economy is experiencing a downturn. . .
Grandma: Horse hockey! When was the last time you donated, William?
Bigfoot: Well, I, uh. . .
Grandma: Just what I thought! Don't think I don't know who's come to my home to take and who comes out of the goodness of their hearts! Grandma can tell! I know who's needy and who's greedy!
Bigfoot: Now, Grandma, I. . .
Grandma: Don't you "now Grandma" me, William. Oh, I know you're not a bad sort -- I know you're a busy man, young and active and handsome as you are, and that's why I haven't seen you in a while, but still. . . being busy doesn't excuse not being charitable.
Bigfoot: I. . . I guess you're right, Grandma.
Grandma: 'Course I'm right! I'm Grandma, ain't I?
Bigfoot: Yes. Yes, you are, Grandma.
Note from the Editor: Well, Grandma surely put all of us in our places there...To help the situation at Grandma, starting next week, we'll be announcing Top Donators to Grandma right here in the Whyville Times. Want to see your name in the papers? Here's your chance! Donate generously!
