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In the October 17th edition of the Times, boymusic wrote an article regarding gossip and how to deal with it should you be faced with it. However, much feedback was given via the BBS that such gossip was either outdated or offensive, sort of like an outsider's view of what gossip is. Having personally dealt with gossip, I would like to make this article topic more personal. In the previous article piece, the gossip was adamantly seen as untrue. In my run-in with gossip, it wasn't necessarily untrue. Here was the circumstances:
In school, I had a crush on a boy, and he found out about it. And through friends, I found out the reason why was because he thought I was ugly. I was extremely hurt at the time, especially since I knew without a doubt I was not pretty. Later on he went to "date" the prettiest girl in the class, I, totally forgotten.
Everyone in my class knew about his opinion of me (I was the last to know), and to this day his careless words have hurt me. Gossip isn't always false, but that is when it's the worst. It is very easy to get caught up in gossip, to spread it, to bring it up. It can be fun to engage in. But words such as "Oh, she's so fat . . . I don't know why she even bothers drinking diet soda! Like it helps!" can scar, can hurt for years. Or calling someone stupid, retarded. Even when told that by people they hate, it will bring up doubts about themselves, make them wonder if it's true and if everyone thinks of them the same way.
I was told I was ugly 6 years ago and I still remember it . . . it doesn't go away, it doesn't heal up in a week or a month. It can be very hard to stay silent when a friend is badmouthing someone else, to not get involved, because you don't want to be thought of as weird or judgmental. However, it is much better to be thought of as strange than to help ostracize someone, to make them feel horrible.
Gossip can be true. Gossip can be made up. Gossip can appear to be harmless. But it hardly ever escapes affecting someone.
On another note, gossip has actually helped me in my life. As strange as that seems, it's been true for me. I was very good friends with these two girls, and one day, I heard through "the grapevine" that they were both engaging in horrible behavior outside of school (this was a true rumor, as the behavior was witnessed by many people). That helped me see that I shouldn't continue being their friends, continue to let them influence me.
Of course, that can work against people also. For me, who wanted to be friends with the "ugly" girl? Even though I have a great sense of humor and I generally accept everyone, it was overlooked simply because I wasn't pretty. In my life, all gossip I've encountered has been true, to a point. I don't have any experience with made-up rumors that are meant to get revenge for some reason or another, so I've had to look at things differently. I never had to worry, "Well what if that girl really doesn't drink," (or smoke or whatever) I just had to decide based on that information, what do I think? Do I want a friend who smokes? Do I want a friend who does horrible things in their off-time?
Do I want a friend who secretly talks about how unattractive I am, or hears such things being said about me and says nothing? No. It may be hard to not mention to your friend what is being said about them, but sometimes it's best to not say anything unless they're already suspicious. Maybe my friend thought it was being a good friend to inform me when someone was saying horrible things about me, but it didn't help me much in the long run. Plus, she never came to my defense, so I resented her for that.
For myself these days, I personally don't mention anything questionable unless asked directly about it. I've done my fair share of lip-wagging and it's done me no favors. As a victim, you would suppose I knew better, but peer pressure is an amazing thing. But how you react to gossip shows your true character: do you do good with it, or do you do evil with it? Will gossiping make you a better person, especially on things the person has no control over(clothing, looks, weight, academic ability) What sort of person do you want to be?
Yes, this article has just been done, but there's always more than one perspective.
g4m3r2
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