|
|
Right now, I'm lying on my parents bed, stairing at the roof, thinking of how to articulate everything that's been going on with my life. The solution? The Whyville Times.
So, I guess I'm a ghost of sorts. I tend to disappear from Whyville randomly with different accounts. But as I return to my oldest account that hasn't been banned, I try to rethink everything. Well, not everything. Maybe just the past two years.
Two years ago, a lonely bored eighth grader revisited a site she gave up a year earlier -- Whyville. Now, this child had other things on her mind; her grade average was below her parents' expectations, weight issues, misconceptions of "love", etc. But what eighth grader wasn't? So she went on Whyville in search for a familiar face from before she had quit . . . but she found none. So she turned off the computer and left the room.
A few weeks later, after being alone with no real friend left, she returned to Whyville. She couldn't handle emotions very well, so she tried to figure everything out with the only thing she knew well -- the Internet. None the less, she chatted it up with almost everyone and was smiling by the end up the night. She had felt something that she had not felt in a long time, acceptance.
Well, "that girl" has done a lot of growing up since then. She has gone through her fair share of pain, which including losing a very good friend to suicide, eating disorders, self doubt, suicidal thoughts, and rejection. I always think to my self how "that girl" didn't just break down. She had nowhere to go and no friends to turn to, and her family were not experts at her life (actually, they knew very little about her. Maybe only a little bit more than you would learn from a birth certificate). I mean, with no friends, who supported her?
And then it hit me.
She DID have friends. Maybe others will debate whether they are real or not, but they are to me. My friends on Whyville. And it's because of the people on here that I have grown to be the person I am today. I am no longer that lonely girl, that bulimic whiner, that "emo" chick (although, the kids in my school beg to differ), but I am me. I am Melisa. I am a daughter, sister, girlfriend, best friend, tutor, cheerleader, volleyball addict, ddr-owning, photoshop-loving freak.
Things are still confusing, of course. They always will be. But it's the site and the people on it that have made me realize how great a life can be, and how precious it really is.
So if you're ever feeling lonely, sad, ugly, rejected, and down right miserable . . . look no farther. You have support, just maybe not in an obvious place.
And now, I will disappear again for a few days, weeks, or months, to go out and live the life that I have not lived in two years.
xoxo.
M.
|
