Author's Note: This is a series that is only meant to bring laughter, and if Santa is reading this, I mean no harm!
You may think that most stories begin with people in castles and in magical fairy land where pretty unicorns are, right? WRONG. This story begins in the U.S.A, where something magical is about to happen.
General Hospital was really busy that day. Way too many people were coming to carol, give Christmas gifts, and many other things. The secretaries and receptionists were tired, so they were hiding in the hospital cafe behind the juice bar snacking on cookies, but that is a total different story. Zoom in to room 124B in the hospital maternity section. A young couple had just had a baby. It was midnight though, so the mother was asleep and probably was going to be asleep until 2 p.m. on Christmas day. The baby though, was awake and wiggling its feet and arms.
Suddenly, a figure dressed in white and red came through the door. "Ho-ho-hooooo," it bellowed. It had a giant knapsack full of toys and other things. Could it be Santa? Wrong. It actually was his twin, because Santa had broken his leg trying to land Vixen the other day. Santa's duplicate was also . . . how do I put this . . . let's just say he wasn't the brightest lightbulb in the house.
Well, as I was saying, Santa's twin (named Dave) went over to the baby. You know about that dumb problem I said he had? Let me put it this way. The little baby was mistaken for another elf and taken back to the North Pole.
The next day, Santa was astonished to see a human baby in the now deflated toy bag. It was a good thing that Santa was a pushover when it came to babies, so the elves raised her. "What are we going to name her, Santa?" the lead elf named Smedley asked. Then, a nerdy elf raised his hand, "We could name her Irma!" he said as all of the elves agreed in unison. Then, Santa raised a gloved hand and read the engraving on a necklace that was on her when she arrived. "Rapunzel," Santa acknowleged. All of the elves looked at eachother in confusion. "Rapunzel? Who would name someone RAPUNZEL?" they all thought. Well, Santa won that argument, and she was known as Rapunzel for the rest of her life.
When she was a baby though, the elves didn't know what to feed her, so they fed her chocolate sauce, maple syrup, and pureed cookies. As you can see, she really didn't get a very balanced diet. They also raised her to wrap gifts, instead of making toys. They thought she would be bad at making toys because they always addressed her as Wrapunzel.
As it turns out though, Rapunzel was really bad at wrapping presents, too. So Santa sent her to a huge tower with only one window because she was so behind in wrapping gifts. Every day, she only wrapped about 85 presents, 913 under schedule. So, she was stuck in a small tower, eating only milk and cookies for about 20 years.
Well, something changed after those 20 years. A man known as Akon had lost his way when he was driving to the Grammy Awards. He got out of the car and looked around to try and find any clue of where he was. He walked over to a small sign that said: Welcome to Rapunzel's House. So, naturally, Akon thought, "Cool, a hot rapper girl for me!" So, he started beatboxing and saying, "I say Rapunzel, Rapunzel let me come up and we can chill like the hip stars do dawg"
Rapunzel was very offended. She walked away from the window, but doing so, she accidentally undid a huge roll of ribbon and it was let down to the bottom of the outside of the tower. Akon saw this, and he started to climb it. Rapunzel didn't notice. She was still wrapping her presents.
When Akon got up the tower, he started to sing "Lonely". Rapunzel was even more offended by this and started to beatbox in a very unusual way and started to "rap". "I find your hip young lingo very very cheesy . . . o." Rapunzel rhymed. Then, Rapunzel pushed Akon out of the window.
"This is going to be a loooooong week," Rapunzel said as she finished her last present.
TO BE CONTINIUED . . .
Will Akon realize that she was never meant for him?
Will Santa ever let poor Rapunzel free?
Will Smedley ever get a date?
FIND OUT SOON!
