Hello. I'm Antier, a pretty normal teenager, and I'm having an arranged marriage.
Yes, it is very fun to throw that sentence out in the middle of a conversation. The reactions are usually . . . ("You are messed up!) amusing, to say the least.
So let's start with the normal part. I'm nothing special, with nice cheeks, hazel eyes and a big nose and small chin. I play piano, I love music, everything from classical to heavy metal - especially when you mix the two. I draw, I sing opera badly, I chat with friends, I hate to cook, I squabble with my parents, I laugh a lot, I write, I get A's and B's in school and sometimes a C because I'm lazy, I get hyper on sugar, I am dramatic, I am arrogant, I have a lovely collection of hair sticks.
And then we move on to the fact that blows it all out of proportion - three months ago I officially requested that my parents find - or at least help find - my future husband.
Usually the first question is a wide-eyed "Why?!" And, logically, this being Whyville, I supposed it would be a perfect place to answer that question.
To be blunt, I trust my parents. I do not trust myself, my own feelings, or anyone else at this age. There is a marked difference between infatuation and love; when people start dating, they usually are infatuated - the guy is usually attracted by the physical and the girl by the emotional. They like each other simply for the novelty of liking each other, though of course they will deny this. Infatuation usually lasts about six months, though I've seen it for up to two years. After this, a couple will usually go through a change - they will not feel so strongly for one another, they will get 'used' to one another, and at this point the couple will probably break up. This may occur in a number of different ways - one of the two might find another, or they may get in a fight, or they may simply declare the relationship unworkable. Those that do stay together longer should be applauded - but even they usually last no longer than five or six years.
Overall, what are the statistics to those who date while young? Really, how many of you dating right now actually intend to marry your current boyfriend or girlfriend, have discussed marriage with others and each other and have decided upon it specifically? Very few, I presume. And this means that you'll likely break up with your partner sooner or later. Probably sooner.
I've heard numerous arguments for this - the most common one is that "I just need to see what relationships are like, for the experience!" or, "To practice for when I get married!"
Now, when you date, whether you want to or not, you give a piece of yourself away. This is usually emotionally - you give your heart, your trust, your feelings to another in a sacred and intimate way. And when you break up, whether you deny it or not, a part of you is left there. When a relationship has progressed to the physical stage, it is even worse - you not only give up a part of your heart, you give up a part of your body. Do you truly value love so little that you're willing to give scraps to those who come begging?
There are some things for which you simply do not practice. You don't spend when you're saving up for that cool new iPhone just because "Hey, I need practice spending! I need to experience it!"
When you save yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically, for someone that you know will never leave you, you do not lose part of yourself. You have your heart to give, entire and pure, unhurt and unblemished, to one that will never break it.
50% of marriages end in divorce. Not counting deaths or those who never legally married.
Jenice was married for years, raised four kids. Three years ago her husband left her for another woman. Simona married for sixteen years, adopted five kids. Two years ago her husband left her for another woman. Jan was married for twenty-something years, had two kids. Two years ago her husband left her for another woman. Every single one of my six uncles have been divorced at least once. (I have no blood aunts.)
And every single time my parents have seen a marriage, if they predict a divorce - that couple has indeed ended up divorcing. My parents, ages 48 and 50, have a 100% track record. They know what is needed with a marriage, they know when a couple is either infatuated or in love, they know if the man and woman truly have the strength to tough out a relationship, they know if their love for God is strong enough to get them through the years.
And that is why I am asking them to decide with me my husband. I do not want to fall into what I think is 'love' with a boy and get so blinded I do not heed my parents' advice. My own decisions are flawed and clouded by youth. I want them to find a man, a decent man that will never leave me, and then I will love him.
Everyone claims that you cannot make yourself love anyone - that if I must fall in love before I marry. However, that is a question to be answered in a possible next article . . .
As a final note, my parents have not brainwashed me. They never mentioned the idea of an arranged marriage; I requested it with no prodding. And no, it was not a spur-of-the-moment decision. I thought it through thoroughly, I considered every possible aspect, and then reached the conclusion that trusting those more experienced than myself was the most logical course of action.
Antier
