Change is everything.
Everything is change.
Everything Changes,
Changes everything.
Leaves change, they fall to the ground and crumble to dust underneath the weight of the world.
The cloudless blue sky changes into a black vortex, sucking everything in a pushing it back out like a punishment. We deserve it.
Everything Changes,
Change is everything.
Attitudes change. The happy, positive girl will sooner or later find a loophole in her happiness. She'll slide her fingers through the loophole and just keep pulling, and pulling and pulling, making it bigger until it engulfs her.
Seasons change. Eyes change. Favorites change. Everything changes.
Everything CHANGED.
My best friend ended up lying. All those times she said, "I love you," or, "Best friends forever," or, "I'll always be here, no matter what!" she was lying to my face. She's not here now. She never will be here again. All those days she said, "You're my closest friend," or, "You can trust me," she lied. She was a backstabber from the beginning, and I always knew. I never forced myself to believe it. I hid behind a wall of lies that sheltered me from the harsh reality I didn't want to see. That changed. That changed a whole lot.
I kind of remember this thing called trust, a little bit. It was when I would actually tell people what was up when they asked. Before I mastered the skill of pasting on a huge grin and laughing along with jokes that aren't funny. Before I started pretending to laugh, instead of actually laughing. Before I grew up.
I changed. I am no exception to this change theory. Everything, everyone, changes.
And I'm being crushed by change.
Up until now, things were all the same. She was my best friend, I had a crush on him, he was my best guy friend, I hated her, they were the unpopular kids, she was my favorite teacher.
It's bad when something changes. That awful, smothering feeling deep inside your chest when you know things can't go back. Like an hourglass glued to the table, you can't turn back, and more than likely that change is permanent whether you like it that way or not.
It's ten times worse when EVERYTHING that held up your world changes, and sends everything crashing back down.
Your best friend.
Your sense of safety.
Your sense of dignity.
Your friends.
Your family.
Now I have to rebuild it, because absolutely nothing stayed the same. I have no safe place to run, no sanctuary. I have to learn to rebuild myself, my friendships, and my relationships.
But it's not them that changed, it was ME.
This has been a long time coming, and I always saw it running towards me in the distance. I always knew. I always knew.
Why didn't I warn myself?
It's like bracing yourself for a hit. If you're going to jump in front of a train, you don't want to stand there watching it rush towards you, it's veins of iron pulsing against the track. You would want to jump at the last second, so that you didn't have that smothering feeling, knowing that it was coming.
It's like jumping off a pier. You don't want to stand and watch the waves lash about against the heavy metal sides. You don't want to see the freezing, churning white rapids slosh beneath you. You don't want to feel the icy spray. You want to close your eyes, and not think about hitting the water until you absolutely have to.
So when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When everything changes, what do you do then
