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Why is it so hard to be yourself? You know, when you dress to impress, when you pretend you are someone you are not. Why do we do this? What is it about us humans that makes us always feel the urge to trick people into thinking we are something more than we really are? Well, let's discuss it. Keep in mind, all I can do is share my opinion. Feel free to share yours in the BBS.
When I joined Whyville in late summer, 2004, it was a very different place. I wouldn't be surprised if there were only half as many destinations in the drop-down menu. However, one thing that hasn't changed, it that certain status that we are all out to acquire. Whether it may be the title of Times Writer, Y-helper, Senator, top salary award, or even someone with more than a silver medal. We all wanted it, and most of us still do. But why? Why do we want this so called "status?" Does it signify how smart we are? Our devotion? Or, is it simply popularity that we are all out to get?
So what makes me qualified to say what it takes, and why we make the decisions we do in order to achieve popularity? Well, if I may be blunt for a second, I've achieved it myself. Over the years, I went from a newbie, to an in-between sort of thing, to what some would call a veteran, an oldbie. Of course we all have our own definitions, but to me, it is not the mathematical formula that has decided my social status, its popularity. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without my friends, an abundance of Times Writers, Y-helpers, Senators, top salary award winners, and those with multiple gold veteran medals. I have been called snob. I have been called power hungry. I have been told to get off my high horse. So why should I be out to defend something I've tried so hard to get? Maybe I should put this in words we'll all understand: I SHOULDN'T! Truth is, I have no reason to be proud of what I've achieved, because it is not anything more, anything better than a newbie. So hopefully, if you can take one thing home today, it will be my warning.
There is one thing, however, that I left out of my Whyville story. When my quest was completed, to reach that hidden society of "elite" citizens, I realized something. It doesn't matter how famous I am. It doesn't matter how many titles I have, how many clams I earn, how many medals I've acquired. Once I finally reached the place where I was like everyone else, and had no desire to go any further, I realized that none of that makes a difference. When you're surrounded with people at the top of Whyville's quaint little social status, no one cares. All of the sudden my salary, my face parts, and my fame aren't a way to say "I'm better than you," they're a way to say "I fit in." But wait a minute, isn't that what I've been trying to escape? Being like everyone else?
What was I expected to do at this point? I suppose I could have quit Whyville, as many do at this point. After all, there is nothing else I can reach for, for I've completed everything to be completed. But that isn't what I did. I decided my years of hard work wouldn't go to waste. I had accomplished the magnificent. So what did I do? I adapted to my personality.
What does "adapting to your personality" mean, you might ask? To be honest, it is just a term I made up to describe my situation, but oh it describes it so well! Let's go backwards and explain the personality of it first. The truth is, I am not famous in real life. I am not rich, I do not have political power, I am no more influential than my next door neighbor. Those are only things that I could achieve here, so why did I? That isn't who I REALLY am, it's only who I wanted to be, along with many of you. However, now that I've been on the other end, I can see why I shouldn't have made that decision. I'm not saying being a Whyville veteran is a bad, if anything the title alone is fantastic. It's the nasty personality that comes with the title, that is bad. Pride. We've all been jealous of someone for something before, and we usually want to do the exact same thing to those who make us jealous, make them jealous of us! In order to do this, most of us think we need to make people think they are worse than we are, to make them think we are better than them. When we start to believe ourselves, and think we are in fact better than someone else, that is pride. I myself am guilty of having pride, and everyday I regret what I have done to hurt others, to make them think less of themselves in order to satisfy my own ego, and build myself up. Once I became so entangled in my social status, it became part of my personality. A stuck-up brat.
Once you've gotten someone else's life, you may develop someone else's personality, and for me it was a nasty one (as we've already clarified). I was unhappy with this. Why would I want to be someone who everyone hated, who only promoted jealousy? I don't know, all I can say is I made a foolish decision. I shouldn't have gone in search of something that I knew would do nothing but enrage the only people who noticed. But, it wasn't too late. Unfortunately it took me years to realize what I had become, but once I was there, I decided to return to my roots. Be the person I once was, when I was a newbie. A funny, care-free person. I decided that I would let anyone offend me, no matter what they said. I made a commitment to do nothing but but bring joy to people, instead of tearing them down. It didn't matter if I ended up being a clown. Heck! I would much happier being jester than king. Now, I wouldn't call myself a clown, but I would call myself me. The funny care-free person I had once been, and it feels so good.
I can't help but laugh at myself for being so immature in the past. Partly because I am older now, but partly because of the experience I had. I don't know why it took me so long to realize who I really was. All I can say is, please don't do what I did. Adapt to your personality now. It doesn't matter who you are, or what circumstances you are in. Everyone can be a bright light in a dark room if they try hard enough to be who they really are. Don't be afraid if people won't like you. If they don't, that's just too bad, but you can't let them get you down. The odds are, sooner or later, you'll find someone who will like you for who you really are, and you'll be happier than ever.
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