Dear Bridget,
In a shoebox I found our pictures, our memories. Running in the summer's breeze . . . ice-skating with broken knees . . . raking leaves by the old oak tree . . . selling lemonade for high fees. Pose for the pictures, smile and say 'Cheese'. It was supposed to be a time capsule of you and me.
I spilled my deepest secrets to you and let you into my shattering world. In my dark, self-destructive cave you were the light at the end of the tunnel. Your kind words and moving smile always inspired me to be a better person. To get out of my miseries. You were the cure to my woes. When I felt as if my heart was going to pound out of my chest . . . when the world was coming to an end, you lend me a hand. You were my guardian angel, my rock, my best friend.
You know, I still remember the day you betrayed me. I've even marked it on my calendar. Nicole, the existence of all chic and the self professed 'Queen Bee', had offered you popularity in return for my darkest secrets. I remember the website Nicole created to honor my flaws. You told me that she had tricked you . . . but had she really? After the event you two seemed conjoined, as you were constantly together.
I knew you were always secretly vying to be popular. The day you dyed your beautiful brown locks to blonde. You shrugged and told me that you needed a new look. No, you didn't need a new look. You were fine just the way you were. Then you shed a few pounds and began wearing the latest trends. You were not my friend anymore . . . you were a store mannequin. Plastic face with a fixed expression. Who were you?
I knew I was losing you and I thought that if I confronted you, I'd lose you immediately. But how would I even confront you? You would always avoid me. My room became my sanctuary, my little cove of sorrow. My heart ached for days and my eyes were always puffy, and red. My parents had asked me several times if I was deprived of sleep or if I was consuming drugs. To both, I barely managed to reply "no". I was weak without you. You were the foundation of my life, my reason for living. Intimately, I had dedicated my life to you. You were responsible for my spirit; you prevented me from destroying myself and my many efforts at suicide. You told me that the world was a wonderful place and that we were going to overcome all of my obstacles together. "Together, forever" you had said. I loved you like a sister. When you left my life I felt as if you had died. I wept oceans of tears for all of the beautiful memories we shared together, the countless days we spent unitedly as children. I want you to know that I felt every bit of pain as the knife stabbed deeply into my back, my soul -- an invisible scar that I will always bear.
I don't remember how your hatred of me started, I just know that I was broken hearted. It began with you and me, but it ended with you and he. You said that he was just a friend . . . you told me we would never end. I figured you lied, that's why I cried. I didn't like him from the start because of his breed and attitude. Mark came from the world of class and athleticism, winning football championships for our school and basketball tournaments for the city team that he belonged to. He had surely made his 'mark' within the school. When I attempted to talk with you, I could sense a certain possession he had over you. Mark gave me an icy you-don't-belong-here-freak glance and treated me as if I were the ground on which he walked.
One day I saw you at the end of the hall as you were heading to class. You stopped for a moment and your gaze went towards me. Shyly, I yelled "Bridget! Hey." A crowd of eyes came looking my way as I noticed Mark running past me. You smiled at him, hugging him quickly and walked away together. Oh yeah . . . you were popular now. These kinds things were forbidden. You insisted that we were still the best of friends. Yet I couldn't call you, wave 'hello', or hangout with you. What kind of friendship was this? What kind of warped world were we living in?
I saw you last when we graduated. I remember you wished me a happy belated, saying you would've been there but you were too scared. What did you have to be scared of? Your friends? What'd they'd think of you? I never thought anything of you except that you were my best friend. And after we ended, I could never replace you. I always thought about the broken feelings we never mended.
I am writing to you to apologize. I am sorry that I ruined our friendship. When reuniting, I feel that someone should apologize. So I am taking that upon myself. I could have supported you becoming popular. I should have encouraged you to tell Nicole more of my private thoughts. I know that you've created a wonderful life for yourself . . . without me. We experienced many things together and I guess you were ready to experience new things without me. I am sorry for clinging on to you. I hear that now you are going to experience motherhood. The struggle of juggling a baby and university will be harsh, however I am offering to be your support and guidance as you have done for me. As you aided me when no one else offered assistance. I hope that your child inherits your better qualities, especially the gift of friendship. I am sorry that I could not be present at your baby shower -- I would've been there but I was too scared. Of what? Maybe getting close to you again. But I'm willing to take that risk.
Love always,
Holly
