Author's Note:I would like to say that this was inspired by the book "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", by Stephen Chbosky. I'm not sure how it inspired me, but it did. I would also like to thank Kindell for drawing my attention to this book, by writing her article "And We Were Infinite".
I love going to the Moon. If any of you ever see me there, don't think I am "brbing" just because I am not chatting. I am there. I am just watching everyone else, some chatters that I know but were never really good friends with, so I'll just leave them to their business thank you very much, and some that I don't know, but wish I could.
I enjoy people watching. Who doesn't? Who would not like to sit inconspicuously in the corner of a restaurant or store are just watch people. Try to figure out who the people are that they are with, or why they are alone. On Whyville, I can tell little things about each person in the chat room. I am observant. I may not seem like it, I mean, I am the person who often has to ask, "Was that there yesterday?" or, "How long have they had that?" I am observant.
I think I like to watch people, learn about them from a distance, and even make up things about their lives because I sometimes wish I could assume their role. I cannot read a book without finding a character in it, main or not, that I would give anything at that moment to switch lives. Maybe even only for one day. Just to see what it was like.
I also like to because I can wonder what it is like to know that person. I sometimes find myself wishing that I would be their friend. That they would laugh about some inside joke with me. That they would smile when they notice me in a crowd. But I am not friends with that person, and I never will be. So I have to be content with just pretending.
My life is a game of pretend. I pretend that I am the mother who I saw yesterday scolding her son. I pretend that I am the waiter that was very helpful a few nights ago at Olive Garden. I pretend that while I am those people, I know more people. I pretend that I have a best friend who is getting beaten by a man who seemed nice at the bar. I wonder what I would do in situations like that, and I wonder what it would be like to know myself from another perspective.
I have always pretended. When I was little my brother and I played boat, a delightful game where his bunk bed was our ship and we were the crew, going on voyages around the world. I played guns with a childhood friend, you know, "Bang bang I shot you." "No you didn't." "Uh-hu, I did." "You missed." "You are dead, lay down." And even into fourth grade, I laugh as I look back, I still played those games of pretend. It was sort of a "Nancy Drew/Star Trek" kind of deal. I pretended I was the esteemed captain of a space ship, I pretended I was the evil stepmother, I pretended I was a pirate. All children pretend. And I doubt that I am the only fourteen year-old who still uses that magical skill.
I think I pretend like this because I have the green syndrome. You know, "I want to get out of this dumb town and go to the city where it's at." I have "the grass is always greener" type of attitude. But I am getting over it. I channel it through my writing. I write stories often about people that I wish I could be, or about worlds I wish were my own.
I am a weird person like that. I read books, and though the character has had many bad and unfortunate things happen in his or her life, I still wish I were them. I will take the bad with the good. Just because I think I could handle it. I would live life knowing what is out there, instead of just sitting here. I don't know if that makes any sense, and it probably doesn't. Oh well. But I just would want to.
When I write, I am that person. I go through the entire story as that person. I never sit back and think, haha, what other drama can I put him/her through now? How many of you have read books or stories like that? Annoying, right? I go with the flow. It's strange. I love it though.
I love to pretend. I love to "experience" things through others, because I will never get to for real, but this is the next best thing I have. I won't sit around and mope about it. When I pretend, I have the freedom to be whoever and whatever I want.
Sincerely,
wwrlm
